Category Archives: Comedy

Diarrhea, Mechanical Horses, Ghost Taco Bells And More: 10 Sarah Hit Stories

Sarah in Portmeirion, where The Prisoner was filmed.

Sarah in Portmeirion, where The Prisoner was filmed.

Sarah’s first book I Overcame My Autism And All I Got Was This Lousy Anxiety Disorder: A Memoir is being released April 18, 2020.

Below is a small list of other notable pieces she has contributed to various publications around the world:

Dysfunction, Drama, and Diarrhea: The Making of ‘The Magnificent Seven’
Diarrhea comes up in the Risky Fuel household quite often. The throughlines for this being a) Sarah’s Robert Vaughn fandom, b) Vaughn and the rest of the cast having diarrhea on the set of The Magnificent Seven, and c) Sarah finding this really funny.

Requiem for a Small-Town Taco Bell: Welland, Ontario
A Taco Bell in a small town. This impossibly bright beacon would shine forever. But nothing lasts forever.

Depression-Busting Exercise Tips For People Too Depressed To Exercise
Sometimes just doing anything is what counts. This piece was incredibly popular and incredibly valuable when Sarah wrote it a few years ago. It’s probably more valuable right now.

Time Is Running Out for a Beloved Mechanical Horse-Race Game in Vegas
In which Sarah and a billionaire casino owner consider their shared love for a mechanical horse racing game, the last of its kind.

Fire Walked with Me: Living a Real-Life Twin Peaks
Twin Peaks eerily paralleled the crimes of Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka in the Niagara region. The impact these crimes had on a 10-year-old girl from the area linger still.

In Memoriam: That Time Daisuke Sasaki Had A Sword
Japanese professional wrestler and troubled dirtbag Daisuke Sasaki won a ceremonial sword in a match. And then a short time later he lost it. It was a journey.

Delta Let Someone Steal My Luggage And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt
What happened when Sarah’s luggage got stolen at McCarran International Airport.

When the Way You Love Things Is “Too Much”; or: Why I Went to Portmeirion
Reflections on a journey to Portmeirion in North Wales to pay homage in the location where idiosyncratic spy show The Prisoner was filmed.

Nothing Has Prepared Me For The Reality of Womanhood Better Than “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”
Sarah was told that films like this exploited young women, but for her it didn’t feel degrading — it felt familiar.

Real Autism
This is the piece that kick-started I Overcame My Autism And All I Got Was This Lousy Anxiety Disorder into existence.

 

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99 Things Found In Prince’s Secret Vault

When Prince passed away on April 21, 2016 it not only left a giant purple hole in the hearts of music fans worldwide, it also launched a fascinating new mystery: What’s going to happen with Prince’s vault?

It’s been long known to Prince fans and music insiders that The Purple One maintained a massive secretive vault containing copious amounts of unreleased music, movies, videos, and as we’re coming to learn, memorabilia, and items of personal significance.

In the absence of a formal will, Bremer Trust, the executors of Prince’s estate, had to drill into Prince’s vault so they could properly assess its content. Though Bremer has not made its findings public, lists containing some of the items in the vault have already been leaking to the media.

Though many of these items are already familiar to Prince devotees, there’s a fascinating array of previously unknown recordings and projects that span Prince’s career and interests.

Here’s list of what we know the vault contains, so far:

The Rebels — A collection of rock songs done with members of The Time in 1979.

The Second Coming — Documentary film and live album from 1982.

Apollonia 6 film — A cinematic attempt to do for Apollonia 6 what Purple Rain did for Prince.

Sexy Drummrfunkr — Collection of drum solos by Sheila E.

The Flesh — Live jam sessions from late 1985.

Untitled Stevie Nicks duet project.

Prince and the Revolution: Dream Factory — Double LP project from 1986.

Camille — Fast-paced funk album from 1986.

Late Night Train — Shelved project with Sheena Easton who was contemplating a Rated-R image change at the time.

Crystal Ball — Triple LP that eventually got reduced to double LP Sign o’ the Times for commercial release.

Madhouse: 24 — Jazz fusion album recorded in 1988.

Sheila E.: Untitled 1989 album.

Replica Batsuit — Michael Keaton era design, built to scale, matte purple finish.

Untitled Apollonia house album.

Batdance Project — Remixes and expanded versions featuring Roxette as Catwoman.

The Time: Corporate World — Original version of what eventually became The Time’s Pandemonium album.

Untitled Chaka Khan project.

Rave unto the Joy Fantastic — Different than Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic.

BMX motocross bicycles (4) — Painted purple. Unused.

Flash — Band featuring Margie Cox as lead singer.

Under The Apple Tree — Script for Under The Cherry Moon sequel.

“Take A Bite Of My Apple” — From Under The Apple Tree soundtrack. Sung by Kristen Scott Thomas.

Catsuit — Sexy saxophone slow jam concept album inspired by Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman from Batman Returns.

In Living Color Special — Pre-taped performance for In Living Color featuring Cat Glover on lead vocals. Never aired.

Untitled EP with Kim Basinger, Ween, and Ozzy Osbourne.

Teal — Shelved album/image overhaul created before Prince adopted O(+>) in 1993.

“Teal Snow” — 19-minute extended music video directed by Tim Burton.

Teal Angels — Collection of six bedazzled stage outfits, complete with angel wings, designed for shelved stage show.

Teal backdrop — Eight foot neon light letters T, E, A, and L, with rejection letter from Neon Museum Las Vegas.

The Tora Tora Experience — Tora Tora was a pseudonym Prince used to create some unreleased music in 1994.

Two boxes of correspondence between Prince and Sinead O’Connor — O’Connor’s contributions are mostly lurid cartoons about Saturday Night Live cast members.

The Undertaker — Frequently bootlegged live-in-the-studio performance notable for a Rolling Stones cover.

Bockwinkel — Unreleased hard rock project with Bob Mould.

Morris Day-narrated Koko B. Ware documentary film.

Heart — Acoustic album recorded in 1994.

“Live” — Multiple disc live album set featuring songs recorded on tours between 1987 and 1993: the Sign o’ the Times Tour, the Lovesexy Tour, the Nude Tour, the Diamonds and Pearls Tour, and the Act I and Act II.

The Live Experience — Live album recorded on June 8, 1995 at Glam Slam, Miami Beach, FL, USA to celebrate Prince’s 37th birthday; his second as O(+>).

Custom BMX Motocross Bicycle Racing gloves — All purple, with the O(+>) symbol on each finger.

Pure Energon — Transformers-themed concept album with the Information Society.

New World — Unreleased techno album from 1995.

T.C. Bear outfit — Built to scale.

The Vault: Volumes I, II, and III — This project is believed to include parts of the Chaos and Disorder and The Vault… Old Friends 4 Sale albums as well as a mysterious third record.

Ingrid Chavez — Four hours of spoken word poetry by Ingrid Chavez set to beatnik jazz.

Prince and Mayte: Happy Tears — Children’s music album. Unreleased, likely due to the death of Prince’s infant son.

The Dawn — Unreleased album from 1997.

Purple Blue — Alt.country EP with The Jayhawks.

PxP — Hardcore project with Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum.

Robin — Concept album dedicated to Robin to coincide with the Batman And Robin film release.

“Mr. Freeze” — Concept maxi-single Batman And Robin/Arnold Schwarzenegger tie-in for a promotion with Dairy Queen.

“It’s Morris Time” — Morris Day and Jason Mewes rap track intended for the Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back soundtrack. Never released.

P2P — Slow jam project with Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum.

Mayte: Scorpio — Album likely shelved due to Prince and Mayte’s marital issues.

Martika’s Kitchen: The Cookbook — Rough draft of planned co-authored cookbook and album project.

Beautiful Strange — Album from 1998 to accompany the Beautiful Strange television special.

PnP 242 — Industrial project with Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum.

Prince and the Revolution: Roadhouse Garden — Album from 1998 which remains unreleased likely due to Prince feuding with The Revolution over money.

Funk Yr Re Vol Ution: Wendy — Themed funk album dedicated to empowering women.

Funk Yr Re Vol Ution: Lisa — Themed rock album dedicated to empowering women.

PP — Chuck Berry tribute album with Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum.

New Funk Sampling Series — Seven-CD box set full of samples and loops designed to be licensed and royalty free to whoever purchased it.

Crystal Ball 2 — Outtakes to 1998 album Crystal Ball.

Crystal Ball DVD Project — Music videos for Crystal Ball albums.

Crystal Ball 3 — Outtakes to the Crystal Ball 2 album.

Crystal Ball 4 — Outtakes to the Crystal Ball 3 album.

A Celebration — Re-recordings of past hits from 2001.

When 2 R in Love: The Ballads of Prince — A collection of slow jams and romantic ballads.

Neil Young’s Homegrown album.

“Unity 4 The People” — Unreleased charity single with Michael Jackson. Shelved because Prince disapproved of Jackson’s intent to buy the Elephant Man’s bones.

The Hot X-perience — Club tracks featuring Eve.

High — Unreleased album from 2000 with contributions from Angie Stone.

NPG: Peace — Unreleased album from 2001.

Untitled Kevin Smith-directed documentary.

S.L.U.T. — Unreleased Carmen Electra project.

Madrid 2 Chicago — Unreleased album from 2001.

In All My Dreams — Unreleased album from 2002.

Last December — Unreleased album from 2002.

Purple Rain 2: The Purpling.

“Minnesota Hockey Hair” — Rejected commission for the Minnesota School Boards Association.

47 pairs of high heel ankle boots — Tagged “For Bata Museum.”

The Very Best of O(+> — Hits record of songs from 1993 to 2000.

Purple — Coffee table book curated by Prince featuring photos of purple outfits.

Bike Helmet — Union Cycliste Internationale-approved competition level Motocross bicycle helmet, painted matte purple with the inscription “2 Fast, 2 Furious” on back in sparkling gold letters.

The Chocolate Invasion — 7CD box set intended for members of the NPG music club.

“Batdance” 20th Anniversary Nike+ Remix For Runners.

David Bowie’s Toy album.

2999: What’s Going On — Climate change party album inspired by Marvin Gaye’s “Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology).”

Nu Revolution In Society — Promotional EP for Tower Records.

3121 film — Purple Rain-style film project featuring Liza Hernandez.

Willy Kanis — Autographed, framed photo with Prince and Willy Kanis, 2004 women’s world BMX Motocross champion from the Netherlands.

Joker — Tribute album to Heath Ledger.

Támar: Milk & Honey — Another shelved protege album project.

“Betrayer” — Unreleased single apparently inspired by Vince Carter’s time as a Toronto Raptor.

Lizzie Grant Started In The Trailer Park Now We Here album.

The L/C — 2011 project featuring Prince and Andy Allo.

“Jupiter Ascending” — Shelved theme song for accompanying movie featuring Mila Kunis on saxophone.

“Jupiter Ascending” — Shelved video for accompanying movie featuring Channing Tatum in character as a breakdancing, space rollerskating werewolf.

“Jupiter Ascending” — Shelved soundtrack to accompany the video game to accompany the Jupiter Ascending film.

Purple Rain 30th Anniversary Deluxe Edition — Remastered and expanded version of Purple Rain.

Joker 2 — A collection of songs written for Jared Leto, including the focus track “Thirsty.”

This piece was originally published via AUX TV on May 3, 2016.

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Antonio Honda Is The Wrestler Of The Year

Antonio Honda vs. a magazine

He fought a magazine. He lost a match by reading his own erotic fiction. He broke his knee at least 100 times. And he fought Kenny Omega in Omega’s high-profile return to Japan.

For these, and many other reasons, Antonio Honda is the 2019 professional wrestler of the year.

Sarah explained why in a piece for Fanbyte.

To read it go here.

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Parasite Is Brilliant Insight Into The Class War

Parasite

Parasite, the latest film by South Korean director Bong Joon-ho (Snowpiercer), is a sometimes outlandish, sometimes horrifying and at all times brilliant look into the class war through the eyes of a poor family of four who become the domestic help for a wealthy family.

When Sarah saw the film at the Toronto International Film Festival the consensus among critics was mostly “holy shit.”

To find out why read her review of the film for Consequence of Sound by clicking here.

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Lulu Pencil Is Important Freelance Writer Representation

Lulu Pencil

She’s afraid of heights, weak and constantly loses, but Lulu Pencil is one of professional wrestling’s breakout stars of 2019.

The reason, in part, is because Lulu Pencil is actually a working freelance writer who wrestles on the side in Japan’s Gatoh Move promotion. And a creative class wimp who taps out to rest holds and constantly fails speaks to a surprising amount of savvy wrestling fans.

Sarah wrote about Lulu Pencil in a piece for Fanbyte.

To read it go here.

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