Tag Archives: Recollections

Lady Gaga Explains Exploding Tits

Lady Gaga's exploding boobs at the 2009 MMVAs.

Lady Gaga’s exploding boobs at the 2009 MMVAs.

Lady Gaga made her breasts explode at the MuchMusic Video Awards last night.

The fired-up funbags were part of a surreal live medley performance of “LoveGame” and “Poker Face” that involved an erotic subway ride dance sequence which devolved into a fight between her and some transit cops all flanked by bondage-geared backing dancers.

GaGa later said at a press conference the reason for the boobie blast was because there was some doubt MuchMusic would be able to put together her elaborate subway car set.

“The bra, actually, it was a funny story,” she said. “When I was speaking to MuchMusic, they were having problems figuring out how to build that subway train and get it on and off the stage. And I said, ‘Well, if you can’t build my subway train, I’m going to blow my tits up on stage.’

“I was in Hawaii, and I said, ‘We need to blow my tits up on stage — I’m thinking conical bra, ode to Madonna, fire.’ And David LaChapelle was in the background screaming, ‘Lactate! It should lactate!’

“It was inspired by Helmut Newton. So we built the bra as an in-case-the-subway-wasn’t-built, but we decided to use both anyway.
“My new name is Hot Tits.”

Earlier in the evening, Gaga won the best international video by an artist award for “Poker Face.” Her acceptance speech featured her yelling “To God and the gays!” while hoisting her trophy in the air.

Here is one of many YouTube clips of the performance.

This story was originally published June 22, 2009 by Chart Communications.

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Filed under Art, Music, Recollections

To My Smart, Beautiful, Amazing Sable

Sable

Sable

On and off for the last 24 hours or so I’ve been looking at pictures of you.

There are photos of your head poking out of gym bags, standing proud atop a stereo speaker, sniffing around sports trophies I’ve won, sitting on Sarah’s gis, curled up in a bathtub, hiding out in an old refrigerator. These are just the novelty shots. In-the-moment attempts to capture the wonderfully silly thing that your badass, smart, beautiful, amazing black cat-ness got up to.

I have a lot of these photos. But right now they don’t feel quite enough. That’s because yesterday I made “the call.”

And today has been my last day with you, one of the truest friends I’ve ever known.

For 21 years you’ve has been my constant companion and one of my greatest joys. The price for your companionship was low. Some food, water, a few cardboard boxes and a willingness to drop everything to pet or comb you was all you asked. In return, I received a loyalty so fierce it’d make Bast shudder.

Outsiders probably won’t believe this. It took years for Sarah to finally win your affections, hard-fought and after actual bloodshed. You also had a well-earned reputation of hissing, clawing and screeching at strangers, which certainly narrowed down our social visitors to only the bravest of brave.

That all said, and I’m hesitant to be too anthropomorphist, but you were a deeply loving animal. What outsiders never saw was the cat who’d greet me at the door every time I returned home. Or who’d slide close by my desk and then sit and stare, patiently waiting for an acknowledgment, maybe an ear scratch or a walk around the apartment.

These moments were almost always accompanied by deep, hearty purring. I know cats purr for a number of reasons beyond just “I’m happy,” but I’ve got to believe that was a large part of it. And if I’m being selfish about it, your purrs did as much to soothe my troubles as anything else. Simply, my world was better with you in it and I’m going to miss you forever.

23 things Sable really liked:

* bacon
* Banh Mi Boys’ fried chicken bao
* regular potato chips
* tissue paper
* pizza boxes
* Vachon caramel cakes
* cardboard boxes
* Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
* the old WWE knapsack she’d sit on by the couch when she got too old and immobile to jump on said couch
* searching the apartment for dust bunnies after she puked
* sitting beside her humans
* the apartment hallway
* open doors in the apartment hallway
* nuzzling hockey skates
* strong sunbeams
* sitting on dirty laundry
* sitting on warm, clean laundry
* scratching my face while I slept
* being combed
* Pillsbury crescent rolls
* waking humans up at 5:30 a.m.
* the sheer joy of humans being up at 5:30 a.m.
* knowing where her humans were

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Filed under Recollections, Relationships

The Trauma Of Losing Your Luggage

Sarah's missing luggage, not shown.

Sarah’s missing luggage, not shown.

Five years ago Sarah lost her luggage on a trip to Vegas.

It was very traumatic for her at the time and it still burns even to this day.

She wrote about this feeling in a new essay for Racked.

To read it go here.

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Filed under Recollections, Shameless Promotion, Travel

David Bowie & Doctor Who: Proof That The Thin White Duke Is A Time Lord

David Bowie and David Tennant

David Bowie and David Tennant

David Bowie likes to flash back into relevance once a decade. Like a passing TARDIS, he enters deep space to cobble together fresh art before swinging by earth once again, delivering shiny new singles.

“Where Are We Now,” the singer’s first release in 10 years is quite a curious tune. It represents a softer phase for a man who has put down the saxophones and the sex, and begun looking back.

Which is odd because there is no past for David Bowie. That is because he lives forever… or at least until his alien organs give out. You see, the Thin White Duke is a Time Lord.

What’s a Time Lord you ask? Well, it’s a humanoid creature from the planet Gallifrey made popular on the BBC show Doctor Who. We’re pretty sure Bowie has been trying to tell us this for about four decades now, so we went ahead and put together some striking evidence. There’s also some SPOILERS below, so if you haven’t seen the most recent season, don’t read this.

Let’s Dematerialize!

The Sound of Time Travel

“Then the loud sound did seem to fade/Came back like a slow voice on a wave of phase/That weren’t no DJ, that was hazy cosmic jive,” Bowie sings on 1972’s “Starman,” pretty much describing the very whooshing noise of the TARDIS.

Watch “Starman”

“This ain’t rock ‘n’ roll. This is genocide!”

The Doctor hates nothing more than when an entire race of aliens are blown to smithereens or killed by superior beings. He wouldn’t even wish total annihilation on his mortal enemies, the Daleks. Bowie’s intro to Diamond Dogs called “Future Legend” speaks of a distant dystopia, filled with “fleas the size of rats [sucking] on rats the size of cats.” He didn’t make it up. Bowie’s been there, and it’s called New New York.

Cosmic Connection to Billie Piper

Billie Piper

Billie Piper

The greatest — and most tragic — love story in the Doctor Who canon is undoubtedly between “Number Ten” (David Tennant) and Rose Tyler, better known as pop singer and star of the lurid show Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Billie Piper. Thing is, 10 wasn’t the only one with a connection to Piper. Piper and Bowie share a heat as intense as a thousand Cybermen x-ray lasers.

Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey

Changes & Regenerations

If ever there was a song that thinly disguised the existential angst of a Time Lord it would be “Changes” from David Bowie’s 1971 album Hunky Dory. Bowie’s chameleon-like shifts in appearance and personality are all summed up in four simple lines:

Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

Indeed, you can’t trace time. In fact, another Time Lord confirmed that (see above video).

David Bowie in a scarf

David Bowie in a scarf

Love of Scarves

If “Fourth Doctor” Tom Baker proved anything during his time in the TARDIS between 1974-81 it’s that Time Lords love scarves. The fourth Doctor had a signature extra long number that would drag on the ground and need constant adjusting. Not coincidentally, David Bowie loves scarves, too. He’s been photographed wearing an assortment of neck-cessories with a higher-than-normal frequency over the years.

“Still Not Ginger!”

David Bowie

David Bowie

Ginger-Obsessive

Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust era saw the spacey singer as a fiery redhead, a regeneration trait that many a Doctor has sought after, especially “Number Eleven.”

Back in Time With Bowie

The John Simm Connection

John Simm, the actor who played the Doctor’s arch nemesis the Master, also starred as Sam Tyler in BBC’s Life on Mars, a crime drama featuring a policeman who travels back in time. Bowie has a song called “Life on Mars.” And a sequel to the television series was called “Ashes to Ashes.” There’s a cosmic connection here that’s no accident.

This story was originally published January 9, 2013 on AOL Spinner and was co-written with Cameron Matthews.

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Filed under Music, Recollections

Living A Real-Life Twin Peaks

RIP Laura Palmer

RIP Laura Palmer

When Twin Peaks debuted in 1990 it basically launched a genre — pretty blonde girl gets murdered in small town, everything goes bonkers.

But what if you actually lived in a real town where something like that happened?

Sarah did. She lived in Welland, Ontario around the time the truly evil pair of Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka were terrorizing the Niagara area.

She wrote about what it was like at that time in a feature story for Consequence of Sound’s Twin Peaks Week series.

To read the full story go here.

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Filed under Films, Recollections, Shameless Promotion, Television

John le Carré’s Sad Spies Represent A Better Masculinity

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

The Risky Fuel household is particularly pro-John le Carré and pretty much support all the author does while writing about spies with father issues who constantly get betrayed by the institutions they served.

Sarah argues these broken men, full of feelings, represent a better vision for masculinity than the traditional dude hero type.

She explained why in an essay for Electric Lit.

To read it go here.

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Filed under Books, Films, Recollections, Shameless Promotion

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’s Lessons In Womanhood

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, according to Sarah, has some merits that may not be obvious on the surface of the camp horror film.

That’s why she wrote “Nothing Has Prepared Me For The Reality of Womanhood Better Than ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2′” for Electric Literature.

To read the whole essay click here.

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Filed under Culture, Films, Recollections, Shameless Promotion