Wu-Tang Tiger Style: All The Fight References From 36 Chambers

Wu-Tang Clan

Wu-Tang Clan

If you’ve ever wondered exactly how many fight references there are in the Wu-Tang Clan’s Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) album, well, wonder no more.

That’s because Sarah went through the whole thing to crosscheck the various boxing and karate mentions throughout.

To read the story head over to Fightland by going here.

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Celebrity Nude Photos: Tips For Red-Blooded Males Who Don’t Want To Be The Worst

Jennifer Lawrence nude.

Jennifer Lawrence nude.

Last night someone dumped numerous hacked nude, intimate photos of female celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence and Kirsten Dunst on the internet.

This morning I said the following about it on my Facebook wall:

“I think today’s learning lesson is that under no circumstance should you ever taken nude photos of yourself with your phone. Or, probably, ever. For any reason.”

It was then brought to my attention very quickly that this response constituted victim blaming.

On more thoughtful analysis I’ve got to concede that it’s true… it was victim blaming. That wasn’t my intention, though. I just wasn’t looking at this as a human issue, a violation, I was looking at it as a data issue.

As in…

a) If you own a smart phone, computer or tablet, and …
b) You create, then store and/or transfer sensitive images and material…
c) By definition of the various terms of service everyone has agreed to for various apps, devices, softwares, etc…
d) As well as proven tinfoil hat truths exhibited by Snowden and the existence of algorithms that can detect boobs. Then…
e) It’s reasonable to conclude that no binary digital data a person creates can at present be considered safe, “private” and/or secure. Therefore…
f) The only way to prevent nude photos of yourself ever leaking on the internet is to never take them.

Looking at the photo hacking issue strictly through this lens, I now realize, is inadequate.

This, because, although “no nude pics ever” may provide a technically perfect solution to not having one’s intimate vagina photos circle the internet, it doesn’t actually do anything to punish the hackers/invaders/digital pervs. And, more importantly, it doesn’t address the fact that these people have violated the autonomy of another human being. These creepers essentially committed targeted digital attacks on a series of women. This, all right-thinking people can agree, is wrong.

So, if my solution was inadequate, what can us fellas do to man-up about this?

Well…

1) Don’t do things like hack women’s phones, emails, etc. And don’t participate in that spreading-photos-of-your-ex culture (that’s actually mentally insane, bro). This stuff seems obvious, but it probably needs to be stated as baseline. If in doubt, don’t contribute to evil.

2) Don’t enable it. Look, it’s not a crime to wonder if McKayla Maroney’s thigh muscles are bigger than yours. But by actively clicking/hunting/seeking these hack photos, you’re part of the problem. If you want to look at McKayla Maroney pics, her Instagram account is probably the exact amount she wants strangers to see of her. And no more than that.

3) Dick pics. “Yeah, well. Male athletes and boy bands get hacked, too,” I said, trying to argue a certain equality. And yes, when male celebs do get hacked it’s just as much a violation to them as it is when it happens to women. The flipside — and it’s a vital tangental connection to all this — is that when celebrity dick pics surface a percentage of these pop ups happen because dudes have sent unwanted, unsolicited nudes to women.

We can all establish this is gross, right? Apparently this a problem women have to deal with all the time (I had no idea, honestly). I don’t understand it and I’ve got no data to back this up, but this has got to be an even less effective courting technique then yelling, “Nice tittttsss, baby!” at a woman walking down the sidewalk. So let’s keep it simple fellas: any unsolicited dick pics you’ve ever sent to a woman are allowed be distributed to, and roundly mocked in a public manner by her and all her friends. And if you suffer an Anthony Weiner-like fall from grace because of it, well, you deserve it.

4) Freedom. If, like me, you continue to have an imperfect-though-wanting-to-be-sympathetic grasp on the gender-safety-equality issues surrounding this, you should still be able to understand it from a liberty-and-ramifications perspective.

Basically, when the spectre of internet creepoids peeking in the digital drawers looms over all women then that means they can’t do and act as they want. When women can’t act and do what they want, that means their liberty and freedom is being taken away. This, fundamentally, is not right.

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Things I Ate At The C.N.E. In 2014

Coco's Fried Chicken. CNE 2014

Coco’s Fried Chicken. CNE 2014

Having recently completed my fifth annual tour of the Canadian National Exhibition‘s weird fair food offerings I can say with a certain amount of humility that this one nearly broke me.

For the first time ever I went to the Ex on three separate occasions. And though each time was during the “after 5 p.m.” weekday special — so I wasn’t there for a full day — these three trips came on three consecutive days. And as shocking as it may seem, three straight days of eating carnie stunt food tends to cause a certain amount of physiological rebellion within the human body.

To find out how this all turned out, read below…

First wave attack, Tuesday, August 26

Quench Lemonade. CNE 2014

Quench Lemonade. I started out with a fountain lemonade (part of my ongoing Ex campaign to not drink pop). It was fine, standard lemonade with maybe 20% too much sugar. The mushed lemon half thrown in certainly added a nice touch. 5.7/10

Just Cone It, Olympus Cone. CNE 2014

Just Cone It’s Olympus Cone. As a sucker for all forms of Greek food and as someone who decided he wanted to avoid the Bacon Nutella Pizza Cone, I went with the Olympus — a combination of tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, feta and olives — instead. Problem number one was that before I took a bite the biggest piece of feta fell off the top of the cone on to the ground. Burn. Then, when actually eating the thing the watery juices spilled on my hands. On top of that the cukes tasted old and gross. 4.9/10

Orange Sorbet. CNE 2014

Orange Sorbet. This was Sarah’s. I helped finish it off. Classic orange sorbet. 6.5/10

Note: This Sorbet came from Eative and their weird sci-fi dry ice gastro-something station. I didn’t get to see any of that stuff. I just ate the leavins. (Thanks, Tara.)

Water Bottle Refill Station. CNE 2014

Water Bottle Refill Station. One of the great new institutions at the Ex is the prominent water bottle refill station right beside the eastern entrance of the Food Building. We actually refilled the lemonade cup multiple times to create lemon-bammed water. 8/10

Miami Ice's Monkey Junk. CNE 2014

Miami Ice’s Monkey Junk. Being a little naive to wordplay sometimes, when I bought this I failed to realize that “Monkey Junk” meant “frozen banana smoothie popsicle.” Is that racist? Or has everything-is-racist sensitivity made me incapable of seeing it simply as “monkeys like bananas, this has bananas, therefore we’ll call it ‘Monkey Junk’?” Either way, by the time I got to the melty end of this it was kinda awful. 4.8/10

Fran's Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle. CNE 2014

Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle. Fran’s first year at the Ex was impressive. For stunt food the Thanksgiving turkey waffle was a solid meal. The portion size was huge and the service at the Fran’s booth was beautiful in its ruthless efficiency. About the only thing wrong with this meal — which was basically an open-face turkey sandwich with waffle instead of bread — was the cranberries. Nobody actually likes cranberries. They should die. 7.8/10

Second wave, Wednesday, August 27. One of my main goals on this night was to check out classic Can-Rockers April Wine. This cut into my eating time…

Reese Flurry. CNE 2014

Reese Flurry. I’ve always loved soft serve ice cream and this was no different. That said, by the time you get to the bottom of this the remaining Reese’s Pieces are reasonably frozen and therefore not much fun to chew/bite. 6.8/10

Miller Genuine Draft. CNE 2014.

Miller Genuine Draft. I had two of these. They were normal beers from the Big Beer Industrial Complex. 6.2/10

Iron Skillet Sirloin Tips. CNE 2014

Iron Skillet Sirloin Tips and Garlic Mash Potatoes. These were very hit-the-spot tasty bits of steak ‘n’ potato. The best part being that the Iron Skillet folks weren’t scare of seasoning, which is a risk at some of these food stalls during the Ex. 7.9/10

El Gordo from Chunky Cheese Gourmet Grilled Cheese. CNE 2014

El Gordo from Chunky Cheese Gourmet Grilled Cheese. Featuring Monterey Jack, sundried tomatoes, chicken breast pieces, salsa, chipotle spread and jalapeno peppers, this was one totally alright sandwich. It’s relative quality was a good salve because they also sold something called the Elvis sandwich — an abomination featuring peanut butter, cheese, bananas and some other crap — which I couldn’t bring myself to try. 7.5/10

Hula Girl Expresso's Crobar. CNE 2014

Hula Girl Expresso’s Crobar. This was the croissant/chocolate bar hybrid that was one of this year’s alpha stunt foods. I’d consider it more “turnover” and less “croissant,” and there was nothing approaching the volume of a full chocolate bar in there (it was more like three squares of a Caramilk bar), but it was still quite tasty. 7.2/10

I wanted to try the Deep Fried Cheesecake, but it was sold out. So then I tried to get a Deep Fried Cola and that was sold out, too. Left with little else on the novelty food spectrum I went with…

Bacon Nation Sundae. CNE 2014

Bacon Nation Sundae. This is a normal soft serve ice cream sundae with caramel and chocolate. Except the bottom of the cup is filled with bacon bits and the garnish is two slices of bacon. The bacon slices weren’t so odd. After all, if you order something like a Grand Slam breakfast there’s often some collateral pancake syrup-to-bacon damage on those plates. But the bacon bits, man, that was… wrong. By the bottom of the cup it was just chocolate syrup and bacon bits in an unholy and inedible combination of the sort that’d make drinking fracking detritus seem relatively desirable. 3/10

Third wave, Thursday, August 28. Finally, on the third day I spotted a modest lineup for this year’s alpha food event, Coco’s Fried Chicken…

Coco's Fried Chicken Honey Butter Buttermilk Biscuit. CNE 2014

Coco’s Fried Chicken Buttermilk Biscuits With Whipped Honey Butter. Not bad. Not Popeye’s. 6.8/10

Coco's Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken. CNE 2014

Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken. Chocolate chicken? What the fuck? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but it basically tastes like normal fried chicken. With maybe a bit of cumin. There was nary a hint of chocolate beyond the appearance. Sidenote: The fries were really good… Coco’s has their fry game down. Sidenote #2: Do NOT get the “chocolate ketchup” dipping sauce. Imagine licking the toilets on the Carnival Triumph cruise ship… that’s what it tasted like.  Chicken 7.5/10, Fries 7.8/10, Chocolate Ketchup 1.2/10

Wild Child Kitchen's Booster Juice. CNE 2014

Wild Child Kitchen’s Booster Juice. Having been thumped by the massive Cacao Chicken I needed a pick-me-up and for this I went to the hippies at Wild Child. I got something good from them last year so this year I decided to try the Booster Juice — beets, apples, carrots, ginger, lemon. The look of the Booster is great. Think “what True Blood prop juice must be made of,” but the actual drinking of the Booster? Let’s just say there’s such a thing as too much beet. And however much beet was in this drink was exactly too much beet. The slurry at the end of this — a combo of beet pulp and ginger — was undrinkable. 4/10

Special mention. The exact time required for the Wild Child Booster Juice to make its way through the entire human body is four hours. And when it does leave the human body it does so in spectacular, porcelain-staining, technicolour fashion.

Cherry Slushy. CNE 2014

Cherry Slushy. I got this to slink back into my comfort zone after the trauma of the Booster Juice. 5.9/10

My desire to try the churros was 100 per cent influenced by Clone High

I Love Churros' Chocolate Churros. CNE 2014

I Love Churros’ Chocolate Churros. A Spanish alternative to the classic sugar doughnut, these churros started out amazing. They were straight out of the deep fryer and their texture — a crispy, sugar-sprinkled exterior combined with a slightly doughy interior — made for magical mouthpleasures. Until I got to the bottom of the first one, that is. The chocolate syrup that had been pumped into the center of the churro had pooled at the bottom and become super-heated. So when I bit into it I got a gusher of scalding chocolate syrup in my mouth, essentially burning my tongue to the point where today I taste nothing. Also, after finishing these I almost randomly barfed without any notice or provocation. I blame that on the cumulative effects of the three days, not on the churros, though. 6/10

Additional reading:

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.

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Filed under Food, Recollections, The Misadventures Of

So I Trained With An Axe Murderer

Wanderlei Silva

Wanderlei Silva

Sarah recently made a return to muay thai training at one of her favourite gyms, Evolucao Thai.

The reason? A chance to participate in a session with Wanderlei “The Axe Murderer” Silva.

To read what it was like, head over to Fightland by going here.

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And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead: When Smart People Turn Violent

And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead

And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead

… Or How They Learned To Both Create And Destroy

Conrad Keely is explaining with some enthusiasm how he just got one over on Apple Computers.

“I just smashed my iPod,” says the vocalist/guitarist for noise terrors And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. “It didn’t work so I just punched it. And then I took it home and I whacked it.

“I went to the Apple store and they gave me a new one! I gave them this broken iPod. I lied. They said, ‘Where did this dent come from?’ I said, ‘This dent’s always been there. It just stopped working the other day.’ And they said, ‘I’ll see if we have any others in stock.’ ‘There you go.’ Brand new iPod.”

That a Trail Of Dead member — notorious as much for destroying their instruments in chaotic onstage rock orgies as they are for their actual music — would mortally wound an MP3 player is really no shock. What’s more difficult to grasp is how such gestures reflect against the content of the Trail’s fourth, and newest record, Worlds Apart.

On the album, moments of sheer savage guitar are spliced with classical waltzes, hollers of “Hey, fuck you, man!” are met with children laughing and thunderous drums filter in and out against cracked, slight vocals and outright screams. It’s the definitive snapshot of when liberal, educated, alternative art rock finds itself cornered in an alley and turns around and starts lashing out at everything in front of it as it hopes to find its way again. It’s wild, erratic and dangerous.

It’s also an angst that came easily for Keely. When recording the album he’d purposefully listen to an hour of contemporary rock radio (Staind, Saliva, Nickelback, etc) before heading into the studio each day.

“That was a lot of the inspiration for the song ‘December Of ’91’ because I was thinking, ‘God, y’know, these people haven’t progressed past Nirvana,'” Keely says, palpable contempt dripping in his voice. “They haven’t thought of the world without Nirvana. They just don’t seem to be able to conceive of anything beyond Kurt Cobain.

“And it just gave me this sense of disgust because Nirvana, when it came out, was such a revelation to me. In a sense that I thought… the message can change. And now 10 years later the only thing the people have gleaned from that lesson was that you have to sing in this stupid fucking accent with that annoying voice. And every song had to be about your own personal pain.”

Keely pauses for a split-second before continuing:

“And these are, like, white middle-class North Americans? And I’m like, ‘What the fuck are you complaining about?’ How dare you whine? How dare you waste our time whining about your pathetic life when the world is in such a horrible state and all you can think about is your misery. Just get a life.”

The Worlds Apart title was inspired by a reality TV show of the same name on the National Geographic Channel. In that show, American families are plopped into strange cultures around the world and filmed as unintended hilarity ensues. Think of it as a new spin on Rick Mercer’s Talking To Americans. It’s only when Keely explains how inspiring the TV show was to him that the whole worldview of Trail Of Dead starts to make any sense.

“It’s very powerful and one of the things you realize is just how clueless Americans are about the reality of what other people live through and stuff,” he says. “And after 9/11 and all that, all the hype that went along with 9/11 — and I don’t think you can call it anything less than hype — was that it seemed like nothing changed as far as American attitudes, as far as people on MTV. Y’know, and here are these people who are bombing this country because of their disgust for this society. Yet, you’ve got these bands on MTV who are still flaunting their wealth, flaunting their materialism. And you’re thinking, ‘These are our musicians. These are the people who are supposed to be a little bit enlightened.’ Our artists.

“And it just filled me with disgust that that was the way that they’d represent these things,” he says. “And you wonder why the rest of the world hates us? It’s probably as much because of them as it is of George Bush.”

This scathing rebuke is most musically reflected in the album’s title track. Laced with images of the twin towers burning as television screens flash-flicker MTV in the background, what the Trail Of Dead seem to be worrying about is what the hell should they actually be doing in all this mess? Should the artist protest or profit? Or does it even really matter at all in the end? Keely’s still wrestling with those questions.

“I guess I was just thinking about whether it’s human nature to ruin everything or destroy?” he says. “I think that’s something that people have been philosophically contemplating for years. Is war part of human nature? Is murder and death as much a part of human nature as creating art, as creating beauty is?”

Then, recalling the little white jukebox he so recently mangled, he finds some simple clarity.

“Apparently we do both.”

This story was originally published in Chart Magazine’s Feb. 2005 issue, #163.

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Jo Redman, The Kickboxing Champ With Asperger’s

Kickboxer Jo Redman

Kickboxer Jo Redman

When Sarah found out about British kickboxing champ Jo Redman’s story it was one that felt very familiar to her.

Both have trained in martial arts and both have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Redman explained to Sarah how this affects her combat career in an interview for Fightland.

To read it go here.

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Martial Arts Exercise Programs Analyzed

Georges St. Pierre's RushFit

Georges St. Pierre’s RushFit

With the growing success of mixed martial arts has come a corresponding increase in bizarre, semi-related exercise programs designed to capitalize on said success.

Sarah, being familiar with both mma and exercise, took a look at a number of the big programs, including Georges St. Pierre’s RushFit.

To read what she thought about Piloxing and Boxercise head over to Fightland by going here.

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