The T-Shirt can, of course, be worn as a basic, every day t-shirt.
You can also dress it up with one of your miniature amenities. I was partial to the toothbrush.
Or you can slide both of your arms through the gigantic neck (this won’t even stretch it!) and tie the sleeves behind you. Suddenly, you have an adorable strapless number on your hands!
Find the sleeve bow too cutesy for your tastes? Untie it and slip the sleeves inside out for the super popular formal dress with pockets look!
Or, if you prefer the whole asymmetrical thing, you can mix and match. This was a personal favourite of mine.
From the front.
Hot pocket action.
Think you need pricey plaid or a Hypercolor shirt to be a part of the hot new ’90s revival that’s sweeping the fashion world? Think again.
Grab one end of The T-Shirt’s undulating folds and tie it to one side for a classic pre-millennial vibe.
Doesn’t it make you want to throw on Dance Mix ’92 and do The Running Man?
Or you can grab the bottom edge, thread it through the neck and pull for a more obscure blast from the past. I call this one The Sophie B Hawkins, because it reminds me of that summer I spent listening to “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover,” watching 90210, and ruining the collar of my precious Vuarnet shirt trying to perfect the style.
“Damn, I Wish Delta Was My Airline (So That They Would Lose My Luggage And Give Me A T-Shirt, Too”
The T-Shirt can also be used to dress up any clothing that didn’t get stolen because you were wearing it on the plane.
Now, I didn’t actually use the Wynn’s famous golf course while I was staying there but, if I had, I would have been prepared with this playful take on the old sweater-around-the-neck standard.
“The Country Club”
As I’m a little younger and more free-spirited than the usual golf crowd, I preferred this variation. Pull both sleeves and the neck over your head for a stable and stylish cape!
I’ll just let this one speak for itself.
Or scoot the whole concoction around to the front for one of those stupid t-shirt scarves that the hipster kids love so much these days!
Well, they can’t all be gems.
You can also roll The T-Shirt and fashion it into an angelic headband.
Isn’t this darling?
Or squish it into a random mess and do whatever it is I’ve got going on here.
I think I’ve got one of the sleeves wrapped around my head here. I really can’t explain or justify the rest.
While The T-Shirt is the ultimate fashion tool, you shouldn’t stop that from expanding your vision to other parts of The Bag. Or even The Bag itself. Here, I’ve fashioned The Bag into a delightful pillbox hat for a classic flight attendant homage.
As a tribute to the Delta staff, I’ve wearing my best “I really don’t care about your stolen luggage” expression.
If you were silly and frivolous enough to pack a bathing suit in your carry on, or to buy one for $15 at the nearby outlet mall, The T-Shirt also makes an excellent coverup.
Many of the dress options translate very well here. I turned The T-Shirt inside out for a slightly avant-garde touch.
If I wear a bikini, my photographer/mother no longer cares if I have pants, apparently.
You can tie one side up into various positions for a crazy touch!
Here’s whatever the hell this is.
And then there’s this. They looked different and awesome in the bathroom mirror! I swear!
Or you can pull the whole thing down around your waist and make yourself a skirt.
It didn’t look so much like a diaper in person.
Did you pack yourself something sexy for your significant other/one night playmate/girl you found on a card some guy in a hoodie gave you on the strip? Don’t despair! The T-Shirt is here to put more spice back into your life than any piece of lace, leather or mesh could ever manage.
Sexiness is mostly mental, anyway. So just put on The T-Shirt in whatever naughty permutation you prefer, hop in a giant bathtub and flash your significant other/one night playmate/girl you found on a card some guy in a hoodie gave you your best come hither look.
Or you can do whatever the hell it is I’m doing here.
The Next Level
If you’re really, really cool and boundary-pushing, this is the only way to wear The T-Shirt:
Slide one leg into each sleeve, pull the bottom edge around your waist and secure. What do you have?
JUSTIN BIEBER PANTS
JUSTIN BIEBER PANTS.
JUSTIN BIEBER PANTS
You, too, can get your very own T-Shirt and embark on this stylish and rewarding journey. All you have to do is pack all of your favourite clothes and accessories into a suitcase and fly somewhere shady. Las Vegas is always a good option, seeing as how it now ranks fifth in TSA firings for theft.
And make sure that you fly Delta, because those other namby pamby airlines might try to cheat you with bogus offerings like money to compensate for your so-called inconvenience.
You’ll have to act fast if you want to stay on the cutting edge of fashion with me, though. On my last day in Vegas, I noticed that my hot new look was already catching on.
T-Shirt Mania is running wild!