Tag Archives: CNE

by Aaron Brophy | September 7, 2024 · 10:42 am

Things I Ate At The C.N.E. In 2024

It was not a banner year in the world of Canadian National Exhibition stunt food eating. Either vendors have run out of ideas, they’re just not trying anymore, or my willingness to pay inappropriate amounts of money to put unpleasant items in my mouth has caused me to freeze up, skip and mentally block out some of the most novel items.

I still managed to try a bunch of weird-ass things, though. Here is what I ate at the C.N.E. in 2024:

Colossal Onion’s Spiral Spuds 6/10
I generally try to avoid “classic” Ex foods, but Colossal Onion’s Spiral Spuds and their tasty deep fried chips plus cheese-like sauce, bacon bits and onion nibs was solid if not adventurous.

Korean Fried Chicken Poutine 6.6/10
Billed as “classic poutine topped with Korean Fried Chicken and topped with Daikon radish and pickled red onions,” this was exactly what it said it was. These two things, however, pair up about as well as fried chicken and waffles. Which is to say they shouldn’t really go together and their pairing makes no sense.

Tzatziki Cheesecake 4/10
One of the big stunt foods for the season, this featured conventional New York style cheesecake with a tzatziki buttercream topping and a couple pita chips. It was, frankly, disgusting. The garlic of the tzatziki clashed with the subtle vanilla of the cheesecake in an unnatural way and left a slime trail in my mouth.

Nerds Gummy Clusters 3/10
These were a free sample offering of a new Nerds product where the traditional Nerds micro-candies are stuck onto a gummy glob. The most notable thing about this new product venture is that it is perhaps proof that capitalism has peaked and we are now in decline. That, or there’s at least a business school-type lesson in here that starts with, “No, you don’t actually have to expand your product line…”

Barr Bubblegum 4.3/10
Barr American Cream Soda 4.2/10
Despite its eye-popping prices, we get wistful every time we walk past that British confectionery import stall in the convention building. So partially in the hopes of avoiding the monopolistic hold Big Coca-Cola™ has on the C.N.E., and partially to get something from this booth we landed on two cans of pop. We neglected to note, however, that these were sugar free soda drinks. Which positions these flavours somewhere in the same range of a lesser Sodastream substitute that someone chokes down to feel something, anything.

Muskoka Spirits Pineapple & Raspberry Hard Sparkling Water 10/10
Having discovered these hard water drinks recently I’ve got to say they’re particularly effective when a) it’s a super-hot day, and b) they’re ice cold. The flavour is perhaps secondary to the light alcohol + sunstroke buzz and cool refreshalization.

Dunrobin Rye Whisky & Ginger Ale 10/10
Rye and ginger in a premixed can is perhaps slightly less of an experience than the hard waters. But it still ranked and sunshine-filled fall fair day drinking is a distinct pleasure.

Mochi Matcha Kit Kat 6.3/10
Mochi Pepero White Cookie 5.7/10
Every year a crazy, wild, outlandish stunt food gets pitched that’s really just some standard fare from a non-Western culture. This year it’s Mochi donuts, the chewy, bubbly ringed pastry popular in Japan. While they have their moments — the matcha glaze is a welcome addition in the new world — they fail to match the best variants of North American donuts for size, flavour or purpose*.

*That purpose being delicious sugar bread junk food designed to fill your body quickly with empty calories.

Legend Dairy Crookie Monster Croissant Cone 6.4/10
It’s a solidly acceptable and flaky chocolate croissant topped with soft serve ice cream and some googly eyes meant to anthropomorphize the dessert. Its actual appearance — a melting, dripping mess slowly dampening and breaking down said pastry — was comically unlike the pristine product photo on the Legend Dairy booth’s billboard. I wouldn’t particularly recommend it, but its components were at least complimentary despite the aura of blobfish.

Carla’s Cookie Box Butter Tarts

Biscoff Butter Tart 7.1/10
Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip Butter Tart 7.7/10
White Chocolate Toffee Butter Tart 7.6/10
Strawberry Funnel Cake Butter Tart 7/10

It’s starting to get a little unfair to rate each new year’s Carla’s Cookie Box butter tart offerings. Because we’ve already tried and deeply love all their best offerings we now devotedly try things we suspect we won’t like nearly as much. A biscoff butter tart? “Strawberry funnel cake?” At what point is it the fault of the humble reviewer for putting themselves in a position where they know they will dislike an item? Or at least dislike an item knowing that they also bought a whole separate half-dozen pieces of mouth magic in the form of Nutella butter tarts? We’re probably near the point where continuing to clock Carla’s Cookie contents is closing, but rest assured we’ll still be taking home a couple dozen.

Rick’s Good Eats Deep Fried Butter Chicken Lasagna 8.4/10
Since blowing us away last year with their ridiculous “CNE Special Butter Chicken Overload” we have determined that the Rick’s Good Eats food truck is one of the greatest places on Earth. So it was with a full heart and an empty belly that we dove in to try this year’s creation, “Deep Fried Butter Chicken Lasagna.” There was no deception in the name. It was lasagna that had been buffed up with delicious butter chicken. As tasty as it was, though, the portion was modest and the price was high in a way that meant this couldn’t match last year’s headliner.

Rick’s Good Eats Deep Fried Gulab Jamun 6.9/10
It is with great sorrow, however, that I report their undercard offering of Deep Fried Gulab Jamun did not meet the mark. Gulab Jamun, for those of you who live in a sad state of fear over foods from other continents, is a doughy ball-like confection from India frequently served nearly submerged in sugar syrup or rosewater. If you encounter good, fresh ones, or better yet, all-you-can-eat Indian buffet ones, it is truly a transcendent experience. And this is where the Food X + Deep Fried = Fair Food formula fails. Deep frying gulab jamun basically turns these gifts from the heavens into Timbits, a food experience that is decidedly Earthbound.

Deep Fried Pickle Oreos 2.3/10
More like deep fried shit. This is first item I’ve tried over the years under the “deep fried” banner — including things like butter, chicken feet, mac & cheese and, separately, both pickles and Oreos — that truly sucked.

Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Refresher 5.8/10
The first couple times we tried the Fuwa Fuwa booth at the C.N.E. were a revelation. The pastries were wonderful, the fresh drink offerings were good and unique. Unfortunately, the thrill is starting to wear off. Getting a mixed cocktail of a soft drink served in a plastic bag has lost its novelty. And after I saw a teenage server pouring Sprite into my bag as the secret bam up ingredient, so has some of the magic. Still ok, though.

Indian Rasoi Paneer Hot Dog 6.2/10
It was a hot dog bun filled with paneer cheese squares. I give the Indian Rasoi folks strong marks for building a stunt-ish food that isn’t really stunt-y in the grand scheme of things but maybe got them some shine and helped support the paneer industrial complex.

Quench Ice Tea 5.9/10
Pretty sure this was meant to be some kind of candy floss flavoured ice tea. Its most notable element, though, was its food colouring nightmare composition that made it look like the sort of thing a child erratically slops together when they’re allowed to pour their own fountain soda drink from the dispenser for the first time and adds a little bit of everything into one cup.

Freshly Roasted Corn On The Cob 7.4/10
Yet another of the midway foods we never really bother with before. Except on this occasion we were heading towards the TTC stop after attending a concert at the nearby Ontario Place Forum and the gals in the booth were doing a fire sale on their remaining cobs because they clearly wanted to close up and go home. I think I paid a dollar. Which at that price point was fantastic for a substantial piece of delicious roasted corn.

Reid’s Dairy Swirl Soft Serve Ice Cream 6.7/10
Got this in the midway after coming out of a show at the Ontario Place Forum when everything else was closed. It was… fine.

Ye Olde Fudge Pot 6/10
Similar to Carla’s Cookie Box, we’ve long been devoted to the fudge booth in the Arts & Crafts building. At last check, though, we’ve considered 14 different fudges from there during our food adventures. And so it was time to try something different, the classic Food Building staple Ye Olde Fudge Pot. Unfortunately, where the craft building fudge had a wild eccentric edge hidden in their slightly overpriced slices, Ye Olde’s fudge is dutifully conventional, square cut, classic. Sure, it’s still fudge, but it’s not the thrill fudge I need in my life.

Smash City Cheeseburger Springrolls 8.2/10
One of our target stunt foods for this year, this was basically a greasy ass cheeseburger stuffed into a springroll casing and it was excellent. The springroll as a delivery device for ground chuck and melted cheese works exceptionally well it turns out.

Oreo Horchata 8/10
This took too long to make but it was pretty bitchin’. It is exactly what the name suggests — an icy horchata with a pile of blended up Oreo cookie in it.

Eva’s Original Crème Brûlée Cone 6/10
The Risky Fuel household has been know to crush upwards of a half-dozen crème brûlée each when we encounter them in places like all-you-can-eat buffets. So we had high expectations for this dessert converted into fancy cone form. Sadly, it was less. The cone itself was a messy, dribbling, charisma-less nightmare and the crème brûlée felt less like an exciting, creamy custard and more like a standard vanilla pudding. If you’re a crème brûlée hater you probably don’t think there’s a difference. But there is.

Maple Lodge Ultimate Chicken Frankfurters 7/10
Now years removed from creating the worst Ex food item ever (Eclair Hot Dog, 2012), Maple Lodge have found a savvy rebrand by just giving out free samples of their gourmet barbecue level wieners. I usually find chicken wieners to be suss but these were fine.

Pineapple Ginger Mojito 10/10
Spiked Strawberry Lemonade 10/10
The bartenders in the outdoor patio by the casino were in a generous mood when we dropped in on a sunny Labour Day afternoon. Maybe it was all the union folk really day drinking in their matching Local tees, but the drinks they made us were gigantic, icy, stiff and filled with signature fruit. The ginger mojito was ginger-y and the spiked lemonade was lemon-y and despite the slightly-too-high price tag we’re pretty sure this was a win for the workers.

The Perogy Chef Sampler Special – 3 Perogies, Sour Cream & 1 Cabbage Roll 6.7/10
We’ve pinged The Perogy Chef before, but never for the sampler deal. The perogies remain solid, slathered in an inappropriate amount of butter and a level above generic supermarket offerings. It’s the cabbage roll that’s the low key win. Nobody actively seeks out to eat a cabbage roll at a fall fair… and yet here we are.

GoGo Squeez Apple Pineapple Passion Fruit Fruit Sauce 3.8/10
This was a free sampler giveaway. I’m not sure who the audience is for this. Desperate middle class parents trying to dodge sugar snack bans in their kids’ schools? Athletes who want a fruit boost during training? People who’ve wrecked their body health so bad, for so long that this is the only “treat” they’re allowed? Anyway, it’s gross. The experience of sucking characterless apple sauce through a nozzle is not one I’d recommend.

Additional reading:

Things I ate at the CNE in 2023. Including Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich and Thanksgiving Dinner On Top Of Fries.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2022. Including the San Francescos Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa and Mustard Ice Cream.

Things I didn’t eat in 2021 because Global pandemic blues closed the EX.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020 (COVID National Exhibition Edition). Including Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog and Bacon-Wrapped Veggie Corn Dog.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2019. Including the Snickle Dog and the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae.

Things I didn’t eat at the CNE in 2018 because I boycotted to support unionized workers who were fighting The Man.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2017. Including Deep Fried Chicken Foot and Savory Fried Spaghetti Donut Ball.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2016. Including Bug Dog with Roasted Crickets and Deep Fried Butter Tarts.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2015. Including Corrado’s S&M Burger and Iron Skillet’s Frosted Flakes Chicken On A Stick.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2014. Including Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle and Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.

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Filed under Culture, Food, Health, Recollections

Tagged as Barr American Cream Soda, Barr Bubblegum, Biscoff butter tart, C.N.E., C.N.E. 2024, Cabbage Roll, Canadian National Exhibition, Canadian National Exhibition 2024, Carla's Cookie Box, CNE, CNE food, Colossal Onion's Spiral Spuds, Deep Fried Pickle Oreos, Dunrobin Rye Whisky & Ginger Ale, Eva's Original Creme Brulee Cone, Food, Freshly Roasted Corn On The Cob, Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Refresher, GoGo Squeez Apple Pineapple Passion Fruit Fruit Sauce, Indian Rasoi Paneer Hot Dog, Korean Fried Chicken Poutine, Legend Dairy Crookie Monster, Maple Lodge Ultimate Chicken Frankfurters, Mochi Matcha Kit Kat, Mochi Pepero White Cookie, Muskoka Spirits Pineapple & Raspberry Hard Sparkling Water, Nerds Gummy Clusters, Nutella butter tart, Oreo Horchata, Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip butter tart, Perogies, Pineapple Ginger Mojito, Quench Ice Tea, Reid's Dairy Swirl Soft Serve Ice Cream, Rick's Good Eats Deep Fried Butter Chicken Lasagna, Rick's Good Eats Deep Fried Gulab Jamun, Smash City Cheeseburger Springrolls, Spiked Strawberry Lemonade, Strawberry Funnel Cake butter tart, The Perogy Chef Sampler Special, Tzatziki Cheesecake, White Chocolate Toffee butter tart, Ye Olde Fudge Pot

by Aaron Brophy | August 15, 2024 · 9:10 pm

Things I Ate At The CNE In 2023

After a few years of pandemic-related unevenness, the Canadian National Exhibition was officially BACK in 2023. Mostly. There was one conspicuous absence in this year’s programming — a wide selection of outlandish stunt foods. What was one of the key anchors of the last decade of C.N.E.s was largely muted. It seems a market shift has taken place and organizers have determined there’s only a modest appetite for things like the mustard ice creams and Krispy Kreme Donut Pulled Pork Sandwiches.

Never let it be said we shrink from a challenge, though. Through dogged determination and ill-advised financial decision-making we were able to try a number of new food experiments.

Here are the things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2023:

Cornehcopia Churro Dog 5.8/10
It’s a hot dog with churro wrapped around it. What could go wrong? Most of it, really. This was an entirely unnecessary creation, not quite novel enough to be pure stunt food and yet not tasty enough to be a low wattage food experiment.

Real Fruit Strawberry Splash 6.2/10
One of the long-running themes of our annual EX food chase is our sad, desperate attempts to avoid the ubiquitous Coca-Cola products everywhere. So it was on to the midway fruit drink stand for Real Fruit Strawberry Splash, a slightly carbonated slurry of lemonade, a healthy pile of strawberries and an unsettling-bordering-on-irrational amount of real mint. It was, despite its outsized ingredients, entirely acceptable.

Real Fruit Mojito Splash 4/10
Sarah’s more mint-first lemonade variant had the unfortunate distinction of having “mojito” in its name, which probably psychologically turned me off of it.

Bratwurst In A Bun 3.7/10
This was my worst item of 2023 and a borderline case for inclusion amongst the worst all-timers. Caught in a moment of weakness and indecision in an overpacked Food Building, the Bratwurst In A Bun stall had no lineup and so I figured it’d be a good, quick win. What I got was a completely normal if oversized panini bun that had a cavity pistoned into it using some weird, pointy phallic rod, some condiment squirted into said hole, and then the brat stuffed into it. Writing this all out now, I realize how completely oblivious I was to the whole Beavis & Butthead grade horniness to this production, but that’s because I was irritated at how much boring ass bread this thing had and how non-event the brat was. It also cost too much at like $14 or something.

I Love Churros’ Caramel Churros 6.1/10
The Risky Fuel household has a running rule that we always have to “try the churros” when we see churros on the menu anywhere because an episode of the old animated series Clone High had a gag where everyone had to try the churros. We’ve already tried the chocolate variant of these churros and because caramel > chocolate these have a slight edge.

Fuwa Fuwa Cheese Pizza Croffle 7.2/10
We had tremendous success in 2022 with Fuwa Fuwa’s cookies ‘n cream Franken croissant-waffle, so this time it was all about trying the more savoury pizza pastry option. While it didn’t quite match the flavour sensation of the cookies ‘n cream concoction, it was experience more elevated than a normal slice of cheese pizza.

Landshark Radler 10/10
Our customary booze stops are generally always 10/10 and the Landshark Radler, which was a combination of Landshark draught and lemonade, hit the spot exactly as expected.

S-Club cocktail 10/10
Hidden in the far eastern corner of the C.N.E. grounds is the food truck haven, a place of superior food and vibes. We bought cocktails from a cash-only booze truck that had sworn off the dreaded token system. The S-Club was 2 oz rye with Sprite and a splash of lemonade.

Glo-Stick cocktail 10/10
A newfound household interest in gin brought us to the Glo-Stick, 2 oz gin with lemonade and orange juice. It was very Snoop Dogg.

Yabba Dabba Curds 4.7/10
Probably our second-biggest mistake of this year’s culinary tour, Yabba Dabba Curds were Fruity Pebbles cereal topping deep fried cheese curds “with a cereal milk glaze.” These two things don’t work together. The Flintstones cereal bits ruin the otherwise underrated deep fried cheese curds with an unwelcome sweet vs. savoury juxtaposition. The fact this cost $16 makes it hurt a little bit more.

Perogies 5.7/10
Simple perogies from an unassuming stand in the Food Building. Serviceable, though lacking any major bam ups like fried onions or spices.

Chocolate Cheesecake Fudge 6.7/10
The fudge booth in the Craft Building is an annual pilgrimage, though one that’s yielding less reward as the price goes steadily up and the thrill of variety diminishes. This chocolate cheesecake might just be the chocolate vanilla I’ve tried before rebranded so it’s getting the same score.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge 7/10
Besides the Reese Peanut Butter Cup, which has perfected the form, I’m less hot on peanut butter + chocolate than most and this fudge-perience was no different. It was good because it was fudge, but it was slightly mid because it was peanut butter-infused fudge.

Caramel Chocolate Pecan Fudge 6.4/10
Pecan pie is on my all-timer list, but this fudge breaks one very important rule — there shall be no nuts in fudge.

Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich 5.8/10
When I reviewed all the things I ate at the EX this year the Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich was probably the thing that most made me question my choices. Sure, it wasn’t nearly a bad as the brat in a bun or the Flintstones cheese curds, but it was a magnitude more ridiculous. A specialty of the Fried Chicken Sandwiches booth in the Food Building, this monstrosity featured fried chicken served between two funnel cakes, with strawberries, whipped cream, icing sugar and a cherry to top. Plus, a bonus of side house slaw. It’s easy enough to talk oneself into this by rationalizing that it’s not so different than an order of chicken ‘n’ waffles and the potential for syrupifaction such an order might suffer. The problem here, though, is that funnel cakes aren’t waffles, strawberries aren’t maple syrup and all of these things are better when not paired with fried chicken. In most technical sense, both the funnel cake and chicken were reasonably good. They just didn’t need to be together.

Carla’s Cookie Box Raspberry White Chocolate Butter Tart 7.4/10
Carla’s Cookie Box Toffee Butter Tart 8.1/10
Carla’s Cookie Box Plain Butter Tart 7.8/10
My absolutely always must-gets are the Carla’s Cookies butter tarts in the Craft Building. This year I bought two separate half-dozens and managed to try a few new flavours, including Raspberry White Chocolate, Toffee, and Plain. Unfortunately, none of these meet the exceptionally high standards of their best offerings (the Nutella and the Skor-themed tarts). The Raspberry was, predictably, very raspberry-y and the plain was just outclassed by its more complicated brothers and sisters. The Toffee was at least in the same area code as the greatest hits.

Thanksgiving Dinner On Top Of Fries 8.4/10
This potentially ill-advised experiment from one of the midway booths that usually does roasted corn turned out to be surprisingly excellent. This was conventional fries and cheese curd poutine topped with what could be generously described as “Thanksgiving slurry,” a combination of turkey cubes, mash, stuffing and ubiquitous gravy. The fries were done right and all the Thanksgiving components were fine. The win here was, and this is a rare thing for me to endorse in food, the mess. It tasted like the way that second or third helping of Thanksgiving dinner does, when all the weird side-dishes your aunts bring are gone and all there is left is a pile of mash, turkey and if you paced yourself, gravy.

Rick’s Good Eats CNE Special Butter Chicken Overload 9.1/10
We here at Risky Fuel like butter chicken and we’re also suckers for the ridiculous. So when a food truck called Rick’s Good Eats advertised a C.N.E. special featuring two butter chicken samosas, tandoori fried chicken and butter chicken poutine all slathered in a butter chicken aioli we were duty-bound to try it. And it was amazing. The best concoction of the season. Every individual component — the samosas, the poutine, the fried chicken — was done right and made us feel like we were in the hands of a midway master of their craft (whoever Rick is).

Additional reading:

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2022. Including the San Francescos Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa and Mustard Ice Cream.

Things I didn’t eat in 2021 because Global pandemic blues closed the EX.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020 (COVID National Exhibition Edition). Including Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog and Bacon-Wrapped Veggie Corn Dog.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2019. Including the Snickle Dog and the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae.

Things I didn’t eat at the CNE in 2018 because I boycotted to support unionized workers who were fighting The Man.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2017. Including Deep Fried Chicken Foot and Savory Fried Spaghetti Donut Ball.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2016. Including Bug Dog with Roasted Crickets and Deep Fried Butter Tarts.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2015. Including Corrado’s S&M Burger and Iron Skillet’s Frosted Flakes Chicken On A Stick.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2014. Including Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle and Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.

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Filed under Booze, Culture, Food, The Misadventures Of

Tagged as Bratwurst In A Bun, C.N.E., C.N.E. 2023, Canadian National Exhibition, Canadian National Exhibition 2023, Caramel Chocolate Pecan Fudge, Carla's Cookie Box Plain, Carla's Cookie Box Raspberry White Chocolate, Carla's Cookie Box Toffee, Chocolate Cheesecake Fudge, Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge, CNE, CNE food, Cornehcopia Churro Dog, Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich, Fuwa Fuwa Cheese Pizza Croffle, Glo-Stick cocktail, I Love Churros’ Caramel Churros, Landshark Radler, Perogies, Real Fruit Mojito Splash, Real Fruit Strawberry Splash, Rick's Good Eats CNE Special Butter Chicken Overload, S-Club cocktail, Thanksgiving Dinner On Top Of Fries

by Aaron Brophy | September 13, 2022 · 4:14 pm

Things I Ate At The C.N.E. In 2022

The returns have been uneven for fall fair stunt food eating in recent years. In 2020 we were in COVID lockdown so Team Risky Fuel faked it entirely, in 2018 we boycotted the CNE because they were being anti-worker dickbags, and with event lockdown protocols still in place in 2021, well, we were mostly just broken.

So there was no shortage of enthusiasm when the Canadian National Exhibition returned in 2022 with a pile of new foods to challenge ourselves over. All told we tried 24 separate items across three visits to The Ex.

Here, then, are the things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2022:

Pull’d Krispy Kreme Donut Pulled Pork Sandwich
A smarter person would read the full name of this thing and say to themselves, “No, I do not need to try this.” And yet, I am not a smart person in this regard, so it was into the breach once again… for a completely unnecessary experience. Individually, all of the key components — the donuts, the pull, the pork — were fine. Together? Mostly messy nonsense. 6.5/10

Zabiha Halal Chicken Sticks
Long-time followers of this ongoing adventure will recall that hot dog makers Maple Lodge are responsible for the worst thing I’ve ever tried at The Ex, the Chocolate Eclair Hot Dog. In the years since, they’ve done a savvy retool where instead of attempting bad stunt food, they just give away free pieces of their high-end weenies. Zabiha Halal Chicken Sticks? Entirely acceptable for one’s BBQ needs. Sidenote: Apparently the Zabiha and neighbouring Maple Lodge freebie booths got shut down for health code violations during the fest, but apparently we dodged that one and caught them during a good day. 7.1/10

Banana Icee
Trying to avoid the ubiquitous Coca-Cola-branded soft drink booths is a losing game at The Ex, but we do our best. In this case, trying to quench one’s thirst with a banana slurpee, sorry, “Icee.” It was fine in an exactly-like-a-banana-popsicle way. 6.2/10

Blue Raspberry Icee
We really got adventurous here with the “blue” raspberry. Not as good as the banana. 6/10

Cherry Icee
Taste-wise this was fine, though less intriguing than the banana version. Unfortunately, the amount of red dye food colouring in this concoction was a borderline hate crime. Turning one’s mouth a cartoonish bright red is a bit of fun, but every errant drop of this icee was a sticky, staining timebomb, fouling one’s hands, wardrobe and passersby. 6/10

Carla’s Cookie Box Skor Butter Tart
A must-do every year is an assorted pack of Carla’s monstrously good butter tarts. The tastiest new attempt here was the Skor tart, which can’t quite match the near-perfection of Carla’s Nutella tart, but is still compulsively delicious. 8.6/10

Carla’s Cookie Box Oh Henry Butter Tart
Still a joyous experience, but Oh Henry is a bit mid as both a chocolate bar and the anchor for a signature tart. 8/10

Dutch Frites’ Cookie Butter Frites
Dutch Frites’ Frites with Satay Peanut Sauce
Some of foods at the Ex only succeed as shocking if you’re the kind of person who’s unable to recognize that different cultures around the world exist, and that those cultures eat different things. While I wouldn’t go so far as call fries with satay sauce(!) some kind of cultural exchange or East-West fusion, this experience was slightly more wild than dipping one’s fries in mayo. The Cookie Butter Frites, which went more all-in on the sweet were lesser, as sugar potatoes should not be a thing.
Satay Fries 6.1/10
Cookie Butter Fries 5.9/10

Fuwa Fuwa Cookies & Cream Croffles
I’m still not sure what a “croffle” is, but this croissant-waffle experiment was righteous. Combining a light, fluffy pastry with proper cream, Oreo-y bits and some chocolate-caramel drizzle, this treat was one of this year’s undisputed winners. 8.4/10

Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Lavender Tea (maybe Lychee Strawberry Tea)
Fuwa Fuwa Matcha Strawberry Latte
Fuwa Fuwa Latte
As Coca-Cola avoidance, we hit the Fuwa Fuwa stand multiple times throughout our visits. The reason? The very exceptional Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Lavender Tea / maybe Lychee Strawberry Tea. The issue here being that I kinda didn’t know what I was ordering when I ordered the Strawberry Lavender Tea the first time. I know it had strawberry in it, and I know it had a shot of Sprite, and I know it had ice, and that it came in a bag, not a glass. And it was a wonderfully lively and dignified pick-me-up. The second time we went to Fuwa Fuwa we realized we may have ordered something else, which led to a cartoonish mis-reordering spiral including drinking a latte (I am not a coffee person and this was a wrong life choice), and something called the Fuwa Fuwa Matcha Strawberry Latte, which is also just coffee. And wrong. Anyway, Fuwa Fuwa have some kind of drink with strawberry, tea and Sprite in it and it’s great.
Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Lavender Tea (maybe Lychee Strawberry Tea) 8.1/10
Fuwa Fuwa Matcha Strawberry Latte 4.5/10
Fuwa Fuwa Latte 4/10

Samosa Poutine with Cheese Curds
These were just regular samosas doused in an adventurous sauce with some cheese curds thrown on top of them. As someone who usually gobbles generic supermarket samosas, these were a tastier bit of craft. The cheese curds were a little bit of a stunt, but did no harm. 7/10

Red Honeydew Rainbow Slime Candy
This is one of the worst, most dangerous things I’ve ever put in my mouth. I imagine it’s a little fun for children — a bright red heavy slime with a sparkly shimmer (I don’t want to know what edible food product creates “shimmer”) that cements to your teeth in a way that makes it difficult to speak. I was genuinely concerned this stupid shit was going to pull out my fillings. 2.5/10

Duntroon Empire Extra Dry Cyder
Founders Original Gin Bramble
Vizzy Strawberry Lemonade Hard Seltzer
The Ex once again carved out a section in the Far Eastern reaches of the property for a food truck ‘n’ liquor drinks area which remains a shady, quiet, boozy haven. As per tradition, liquor drinks almost always score inappropriately highly.
Duntroon Empire Extra Dry Cyder 10/10
Founders Original Gin Bramble 10/10
Vizzy Strawberry Lemonade Hard Seltzer 10/10

Super Fries Bankok Fries-Pad Thai Fries
The Risky Fuel household has long been chasing a specific garbage food high we used to get from a short-lived midtown bar called Korean Cowboy, which specialized in Korean street food. Korean Cowboy’s kimchi fries — normal French fries with kimchi, mayo and some other random bits — is our white whale. Many other places in the city have variants of kimchi fries and yet none compare. So when we see a menu item with a name like “Super Fries Bankok Fries-Pad Thai Fries” (which, yes, we do realize Korea and Thailand are culturally and geographically distinct) we have to order them just in case. Needless to say, the quest continues. 6/10

Peach Crush
Peach soda is an act of assault. 2.7/10

San Francescos Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa
In the moderately bad decisions department, the Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa is a series of breaded meatballs skewered together with mozzarella sticks, stuffed into a cone, and topped with some sprinkled icing and candy floss. The whole thing is a difficult piece of engineering to navigate eating around, and the sweet components are goofy and unnecessary. Granted, the meatballs are actually tasty, but the effort to consume, the superfluous sugar blast, and low-key sticker shock price make this a strong recommendation to avoid in the future. I might mess with something simpler and meatball-y, though. 6/10

Quench Orangeade
Finally, an on-site drink worth one’s time. Hovering in the same realm as McDonald’s “orange drink” with a bit more flavour, Quench Orangeade is probably the top choice if you’re looking for something in the soda realm but are trying to avoid Big Coke™. I tried to google the Quench brand to find out more about it, but my search results were crap (thank you A.I. and capitalism). So I’m going to assume I’ve deluded myself and that these Quench drink booths are actually just sly Coca-Cola Corp sub-brand activations. I hope they’re not, though. 7.1/10

Farm To Fryer Fried Cheesecake Chimichanga with Pop Rocks and Strawberry Coulis
Occasionally one of these stunt food gimmicks is actually hella good and this year it was Farm To Fryer’s Fried Cheesecake Chimichanga. The cheesecake chimichanga was a well-executed pastry, the strawberry sauce dressing worked well, and the silly mouth zing of the Pop Rocks was surprisingly complimentary. 8.2/10

Mustard Ice Cream
The big disgustifier of this year’s CNE was unquestionably the mustard and ketchup ice cream booth. This disgust is, of course, a big part of the appeal. When you order a mustard ice cream everyone in the immediate area who sees you with that pasty yellow mound of goop has to pick a side — they’re either in for the adventure, or they’re completely offended by the idea of it. It’s a Rorschach test, a beacon for those raging against the dying of the light and a fearful talisman against those who’d meekly shrink away into their sad darkness. It’s also a crafty bit of culinary trickery. The “mustard” ice cream is only lightly mustard-y at best, a slight flavouring that doesn’t particularly challenge the tastebuds. Where they really get you is in the presentation. Served in a bowl rimmed with a hearty squeeze of classic yellow mustard, it’s that bright golden smear that does the heavy lifting for this stunt. A sensory experience, a mustard waft gets in your nose each time you move the cup around you. Also, it’s that mustard that, if you’re not vigilant, bleeds into your ice cream to embolden its flavour. If you can control how you interact with that rail of dressing you can control your whole mustard ice cream experience. 6.3/10

Additional reading:

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020 (COVID National Exhibition Edition). Including Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog and Bacon-Wrapped Veggie Corn Dog.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2019. Including the Snickle Dog and the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae.

Things I didn’t eat at the CNE in 2018 because I boycotted to support unionized workers who were fighting The Man.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2017. Including Deep Fried Chicken Foot and Savory Fried Spaghetti Donut Ball.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2016. Including Bug Dog with Roasted Crickets and Deep Fried Butter Tarts.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2015. Including Corrado’s S&M Burger and Iron Skillet’s Frosted Flakes Chicken On A Stick.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2014. Including Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle and Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.

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Filed under Booze, Food, The Misadventures Of

Tagged as Banana Icee, Blue Raspberry Icee, C.N.E., C.N.E. 2022, Canadian National Exhibition, Canadian National Exhibition 2022, Carla's Cookie Box Oh Henry Butter Tart, Carla's Cookie Box Skor Butter Tart, Cherry Icee, CNE, CNE food, Duntroon Empire Extra Dry Cyder, Dutch Frites’ Cookie Butter Frites, Dutch Frites’ Frites with Satay Peanut Sauce, Farm To Fryer Fried Cheesecake Chimichanga with Pop Rocks and Strawberry Coulis, Founders Original Gin Bramble, Fuwa Fuwa Cookies & Cream Croffles, Fuwa Fuwa Latte, Fuwa Fuwa Matcha Strawberry Latte, Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Lavender Tea, Lychee Strawberry Tea, Mustard Ice Cream, Peach Crush, Pull'd Krispy Kreme Donut Pulled Pork Sandwich, Quench Orangeade, Red Honeydew Rainbow Slime Candy, Samosa Poutine with Cheese Curds, San Francescos Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa, Super Fries Bankok Fries-Pad Thai Fries, Vizzy Strawberry Lemonade Hard Seltzer

by Aaron Brophy | September 8, 2020 · 2:44 pm

Things I Ate At The C.N.E. In 2020

This is a split image of three stunt foods prepared at home instead of eaten at the Canadian National Exhibition, which was cancelled due to COVID-19. — Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020, COVID-19 Lockdown edition.

For those who aren’t the best at intuitive leaps, the headline “Things I Ate At The C.N.E. In 2020” is a lie. There was no Canadian National Exhibition in Toronto this year. It was waylaid, like pretty much every other good thing in the world, by the COVID-19 pandemic.

There was, however, a Canadian National Exhibition in the hearts of the Risky Fuel staff. Or, more specifically, the gastrointestinal tracts.

Based on a low-key dare from Sarah, I decided to attempt a number of Ex-inspired near-stunt foods in the hopes of recreating the magic of eating weird shit while wandering through a giant parking lot and getting accosted by carnies.

The guidelines for this experiment were reasonably simple: All food experiments would take place over the Labour Day long weekend, just like the actual C.N.E., and the things I made would attempt to replicate, or be inspired by actual stunt foods at the The Ex.

Two other things:
1) There’d be nothing deep-fried because it would stink up our apartment too much.
And 2), we’d attempt to make items that didn’t actually suck.
We also contemplated walking around in the sun for three hours straight to replicate the C.N.E. sunstroke effect, but were ultimately too lazy to follow through on that.

Here, then, are the things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020 (COVID National Exhibition Edition):

Pickle Lemonade. This was based on a real drink that was available at 2019 edition of the Ex and featured standard store-bought lemonade, two ounces of pickle juice and a couple cocktail pickles. Beyond being a touch weird on the palette, this mostly ended up tasting like regular lemonade. 5.7 / 10

Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog. This was mostly about trying to create a double wiener double entendre (which mostly failed) and make use of a pretzel bun that was much larger than I thought it was when I first put my two hands around it in the grocery store. There was a lot of bun — probably too much — and I had difficulty fitting it all into my mouth. 5.8 / 10

Baked Apple Wedge Cheesecake Cheese Curd Crumble. This was a creation built mostly by alliteration featuring baked apple wedges, disassembled bits of a vanilla cheesecake scored at Metro and pieces of cheese curd. It was… surprisingly OK. The apples could have been baked a little more to make them more broken down, but as a trio, they were all complimentary-ish. 6.2 / 10

Bacon-Wrapped Veggie Corn Dog. This perversion was inspired by the butt-stupid 50-50 ground beef/veggie meat substitute packages that have been appearing in grocery stores. I took an Yves Veggie Corn Dog, wrapped it in bacon, then baked the shit out it until the bacon was properly cooked. The result? Kinda good. I get that this was a silly combination meant mostly to irritate people, but the Yves corn dogs are reasonably good, and bacon is usually good, so the combination of the two of them ended up reasonably solid. 7.3 / 10

Boston Cream Donut Milkshake. In a normal Ex year, we’d have one of Fran’s ever-evolving mega-milkshakes (see Fran’s Blueberry Pie Milkshake, Fran’s PB&J Milkshake), which are usually some combination of a normal milkshake + a baked good of some sort. Inspired by both these shakes and our number one discovery from last year, the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae, we went in on the mega-shake mash-up. This shake contained well-blendered Breyer’s Cremery Style Natural Vanilla Ice Cream, CT Bakery Mini Boston Cream Donuts, 2% milk and a topper of Kraft Cool Whip and Selection Chocolaty Sundae Topping. What resulted was remarkably good. The secret bonus here was that the shake ended up having clumps of tasty Boston Cream gloops that would randomly pop into your mouth, creating a bonus experience that elevated it beyond a normal shake. 7.3 / 10

Brisket Sandwich. Every year at the CNE we usually break down and have at least a couple “normal”-type things. We had some leftover brisket, some coleslaw, some crusty buns and some gouda, so… Brisket Sandwich. Add some barbecue sauce to taste and the result was something altogether fine. 7.2 / 10

Peanut Butter Ice Cream Tortilla Wrap. Last year we got tricked by the garbage pail liner that was the Snickle Dog, a hot dog and pickle wrapped in a deep-fried tortilla and covered with chocolate syrup. I tried to break that curse with the Peanut Butter Ice Cream Tortilla Wrap, a combination of Irresistible Peanut Butter Ice Cream and Hershey Kiss Cereal snuggled in a tortilla and covered in chocolate syrup. This did not work. Hershey Kiss Cereal appears to be nonsense, and the flavour of the tortillas and the peanut butter ice cream were just not complimentary. 5.1 / 10

Pickle Pizza. Inspired by a real CNE food item, this was normal cheese pizza with pickle slices on top. It was also fundamentally unnecessary and I question the smarts of anyone who paid real money at the Exhibition to have one of these slices. 5.2 / 10

Portuguese Custard Tart Milkshake. This was meant to be the grande finale of Canadian National Exhibit-ish weekend, a fancy-ass milkshake inspired by the Cheesecake Factory Sundae from last year and build similarly to the Boston Cream Shake, except using a superior pastry, the Portuguese Custard Tart. It was, however, slightly less than the Boston Cream Shake. The main reason being that the custard gloops just didn’t magically gloop in one’s mouth the same way the Boston Cream did. I’m not saying it was bad. It was still a hella solid milkshake, but it fell just short of its cousin. 7.2 / 10

Additional reading:

Things I ate at the CNE in 2019. Including the Snickle Dog and the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae.

Things I didn’t eat at the CNE in 2018 because I boycotted to support unionized workers who were fighting The Man.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2017. Including Deep Fried Chicken Foot and Savory Fried Spaghetti Donut Ball.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2016. Including Bug Dog with Roasted Crickets and Deep Fried Butter Tarts.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2015. Including Corrado’s S&M Burger and Iron Skillet’s Frosted Flakes Chicken On A Stick.

Things I ate at the CNE in 2014. Including Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle and Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.

Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.

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Filed under Culture, Food, Recollections

Tagged as Boston Cream Donut Milkshake, Brisket Sandwich, C.N.E., C.N.E. 2020, Canadian National Exhibition, Canadian National Exhibition 2020, CNE, Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog, Peanut Butter Ice Cream Tortilla Wrap, Pickle Lemonade, Pickle Pizza, Portuguese Custard Tart Milkshake

by Aaron Brophy | October 4, 2019 · 12:41 pm

Things I Ate At The C.N.E. In 2019

After a year off from the Canadian National Exhibition I got back on the bullshit again, making the most out of one well-targeted weekday trip and a couple delivered care packages to help bump up my food explorations. It’s interesting the perspective you get when you step back for a year from a near-compulsion. One of the big things I realized this year was that most of the “stunt” food has become wildly, insultingly overpriced when one considers each item’s ingredients and the comparable non-stunt versions of similar items which are also available at the fair. It’s a psychological barrier that’s real and takes a certain amount of “when am I ever going to try this again?” to motivate a person to eat this crap. That said, nobody with a still-flickering life force goes to the Ex to eat a plain cheese slice at Pizza Nova when there’s, wait for it, pickle pizza available to try (I didn’t try the pickle pizza… that’s not stunt enough).

The new craft beer & food truck & axe-throwing boutique area near what was once an activation wasteland by the Princes’ Gates was a wonderful addition to the Ex. Likewise, the Canadian Ninja Warrior set-up that has replaced the parkour show (parkour!) with the always-entertaining MC Abdominal was a great opportunity to watch physically perfect people fail like chumps. The SuperDogs show was fun, too (Pro tip: go to the first scheduled ‘Dog event of the day. It’s the only one that isn’t psycho-rammed with exasperated parents who don’t know how to navigate crowds.)

The biggest surprise of the year? A food-based redemption arc. If I didn’t experience it with my very own mouth hole I wouldn’t have believed it could happen. On to the food…

Here’s what I ate at the CNE in 2019:

Gnocchi Poutine. Gnocchi that was deep fried and covered in gravy with a smattering of cheese. The amount of cheese here left something to be desired (more cheese = good poutine, less cheese = cheap fucker bullshit hope-you-go-out-of-business “poutine”), but this was entirely acceptable. 7/10

Pineapple Dole Whip. I’ve got a friend who fiends for this stuff rather obsessively so when I encountered it for the first time I had to try it. And it’s… really refined pineapple slurpee? 6.9/10

Tokyo Street Dog. This was a tempura-battered hot dog wiener wrapped in seaweed and slathered in non-traditional (read: totally traditional if many parts of the world) condiments. It’s basically a normal hot dog with slightly left field condiments and it cost three times more than it should have. 5.6/10

Black Halo Bubblegum Ice Cream. It looks great with its bright blue ice cream in goth black sugar cone. There wasn’t actually much *flavour* to this bubblegum, though. Also, the aftermath of eating these 7% food colouring cones is two days of BRIGHT green dookies. 6/10

Black Halo Purple Haze Ice Cream. This was the grape ice cream version and it had much more of a flavour. 6.4/10

Fran’s Sriracha Peanut Butter Balls. You people really don’t need to put sriracha in everything. A rare slip-up from the usually-great Fran’s booth. 4.9/10

FUDGE BREAK!

My late, great grandmother used to make the most 10 out of 10-est fudge in the history of fudge and I’ve been fitfully chasing that high ever since. Would these compare? No, of course they wouldn’t. But there were still some good mouth times…

Milk Chocolate Fudge. The boringest of the CNE fudges and least able to keep up against the grandma scale. Still fudge. 7.1/10

Maple Fudge. Maple is a natural neighbour to Vanilla, the best fudge, but it’s also just a little bit… less. 7.7/10

Cookies ‘n’ Cream Fudge. They did not short on the “cookie” in this fudge, which is admirable in its way, but it also made for a fudge that was just structurally weird. Like a food with a bunch of speed bumps, which isn’t really what you want in a fudge. 7.3/10

Chocolate Maple Fudge. Two different textures and slightly incongruent vibes made for a fudge that was a little meh. Still fudge, though. 7.2/10

Skor Fudge. The Skor bits were pretty subtle. I think there might have been slivers of ginger in there making things slightly weird. If not the best, it was certainly the boldest. 7.5/10

BOOZE BREAK!

So yeah, we’re all for the new craft beer corner of the Ex that allows you to sit down for a drink in a spot that isn’t a) meant for gambling, b) has terrible country music, or c) features a whoooaaa Québécois Styx cover band.

Shiny Apple Cider and Pinot Noir. The wine jolt adds a pleasant little something to make this more than just a regular cider. Because this is booze… 10/10

Pommies Original Cider slushie. Remember life before the cider revolution? Neither do I, but it must have sucked. Anyway, it was hot as balls on the day we were here so the ability to hide out in a shaded corner and drink an alcoholic slushie was chef’s kiss. 10/10

Pommies Original Cider with Sangria. I’m not suddenly one of these all-in for cider + wine people, but this one was better than the other one. 10/10

FREE STUFF!

It used to be that the Ex was a glorious place for cheap eats and free samples. Then for a long time it wasn’t. It appears that a few companies have figured out freebies are a good thing, though.