It was not a banner year in the world of Canadian National Exhibition stunt food eating. Either vendors have run out of ideas, they’re just not trying anymore, or my willingness to pay inappropriate amounts of money to put unpleasant items in my mouth has caused me to freeze up, skip and mentally block out some of the most novel items.
I still managed to try a bunch of weird-ass things, though. Here is what I ate at the C.N.E. in 2024:
Colossal Onion’s Spiral Spuds 6/10
I generally try to avoid “classic” Ex foods, but Colossal Onion’s Spiral Spuds and their tasty deep fried chips plus cheese-like sauce, bacon bits and onion nibs was solid if not adventurous.
Korean Fried Chicken Poutine 6.6/10
Billed as “classic poutine topped with Korean Fried Chicken and topped with Daikon radish and pickled red onions,” this was exactly what it said it was. These two things, however, pair up about as well as fried chicken and waffles. Which is to say they shouldn’t really go together and their pairing makes no sense.
Tzatziki Cheesecake 4/10
One of the big stunt foods for the season, this featured conventional New York style cheesecake with a tzatziki buttercream topping and a couple pita chips. It was, frankly, disgusting. The garlic of the tzatziki clashed with the subtle vanilla of the cheesecake in an unnatural way and left a slime trail in my mouth.
Nerds Gummy Clusters 3/10
These were a free sample offering of a new Nerds product where the traditional Nerds micro-candies are stuck onto a gummy glob. The most notable thing about this new product venture is that it is perhaps proof that capitalism has peaked and we are now in decline. That, or there’s at least a business school-type lesson in here that starts with, “No, you don’t actually have to expand your product line…”
Barr Bubblegum 4.3/10
Barr American Cream Soda 4.2/10
Despite its eye-popping prices, we get wistful every time we walk past that British confectionery import stall in the convention building. So partially in the hopes of avoiding the monopolistic hold Big Coca-Cola™ has on the C.N.E., and partially to get something from this booth we landed on two cans of pop. We neglected to note, however, that these were sugar free soda drinks. Which positions these flavours somewhere in the same range of a lesser Sodastream substitute that someone chokes down to feel something, anything.
Muskoka Spirits Pineapple & Raspberry Hard Sparkling Water 10/10
Having discovered these hard water drinks recently I’ve got to say they’re particularly effective when a) it’s a super-hot day, and b) they’re ice cold. The flavour is perhaps secondary to the light alcohol + sunstroke buzz and cool refreshalization.
Dunrobin Rye Whisky & Ginger Ale 10/10
Rye and ginger in a premixed can is perhaps slightly less of an experience than the hard waters. But it still ranked and sunshine-filled fall fair day drinking is a distinct pleasure.
Mochi Matcha Kit Kat 6.3/10
Mochi Pepero White Cookie 5.7/10
Every year a crazy, wild, outlandish stunt food gets pitched that’s really just some standard fare from a non-Western culture. This year it’s Mochi donuts, the chewy, bubbly ringed pastry popular in Japan. While they have their moments — the matcha glaze is a welcome addition in the new world — they fail to match the best variants of North American donuts for size, flavour or purpose*.
*That purpose being delicious sugar bread junk food designed to fill your body quickly with empty calories.
Legend Dairy Crookie Monster Croissant Cone 6.4/10
It’s a solidly acceptable and flaky chocolate croissant topped with soft serve ice cream and some googly eyes meant to anthropomorphize the dessert. Its actual appearance — a melting, dripping mess slowly dampening and breaking down said pastry — was comically unlike the pristine product photo on the Legend Dairy booth’s billboard. I wouldn’t particularly recommend it, but its components were at least complimentary despite the aura of blobfish.
Carla’s Cookie Box Butter Tarts
- Biscoff Butter Tart 7.1/10
- Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip Butter Tart 7.7/10
- White Chocolate Toffee Butter Tart 7.6/10
- Strawberry Funnel Cake Butter Tart 7/10
It’s starting to get a little unfair to rate each new year’s Carla’s Cookie Box butter tart offerings. Because we’ve already tried and deeply love all their best offerings we now devotedly try things we suspect we won’t like nearly as much. A biscoff butter tart? “Strawberry funnel cake?” At what point is it the fault of the humble reviewer for putting themselves in a position where they know they will dislike an item? Or at least dislike an item knowing that they also bought a whole separate half-dozen pieces of mouth magic in the form of Nutella butter tarts? We’re probably near the point where continuing to clock Carla’s Cookie contents is closing, but rest assured we’ll still be taking home a couple dozen.
Rick’s Good Eats Deep Fried Butter Chicken Lasagna 8.4/10
Since blowing us away last year with their ridiculous “CNE Special Butter Chicken Overload” we have determined that the Rick’s Good Eats food truck is one of the greatest places on Earth. So it was with a full heart and an empty belly that we dove in to try this year’s creation, “Deep Fried Butter Chicken Lasagna.” There was no deception in the name. It was lasagna that had been buffed up with delicious butter chicken. As tasty as it was, though, the portion was modest and the price was high in a way that meant this couldn’t match last year’s headliner.
Rick’s Good Eats Deep Fried Gulab Jamun 6.9/10
It is with great sorrow, however, that I report their undercard offering of Deep Fried Gulab Jamun did not meet the mark. Gulab Jamun, for those of you who live in a sad state of fear over foods from other continents, is a doughy ball-like confection from India frequently served nearly submerged in sugar syrup or rosewater. If you encounter good, fresh ones, or better yet, all-you-can-eat Indian buffet ones, it is truly a transcendent experience. And this is where the Food X + Deep Fried = Fair Food formula fails. Deep frying gulab jamun basically turns these gifts from the heavens into Timbits, a food experience that is decidedly Earthbound.
Deep Fried Pickle Oreos 2.3/10
More like deep fried shit. This is first item I’ve tried over the years under the “deep fried” banner — including things like butter, chicken feet, mac & cheese and, separately, both pickles and Oreos — that truly sucked.
Fuwa Fuwa Strawberry Refresher 5.8/10
The first couple times we tried the Fuwa Fuwa booth at the C.N.E. were a revelation. The pastries were wonderful, the fresh drink offerings were good and unique. Unfortunately, the thrill is starting to wear off. Getting a mixed cocktail of a soft drink served in a plastic bag has lost its novelty. And after I saw a teenage server pouring Sprite into my bag as the secret bam up ingredient, so has some of the magic. Still ok, though.
Indian Rasoi Paneer Hot Dog 6.2/10
It was a hot dog bun filled with paneer cheese squares. I give the Indian Rasoi folks strong marks for building a stunt-ish food that isn’t really stunt-y in the grand scheme of things but maybe got them some shine and helped support the paneer industrial complex.
Quench Ice Tea 5.9/10
Pretty sure this was meant to be some kind of candy floss flavoured ice tea. Its most notable element, though, was its food colouring nightmare composition that made it look like the sort of thing a child erratically slops together when they’re allowed to pour their own fountain soda drink from the dispenser for the first time and adds a little bit of everything into one cup.
Freshly Roasted Corn On The Cob 7.4/10
Yet another of the midway foods we never really bother with before. Except on this occasion we were heading towards the TTC stop after attending a concert at the nearby Ontario Place Forum and the gals in the booth were doing a fire sale on their remaining cobs because they clearly wanted to close up and go home. I think I paid a dollar. Which at that price point was fantastic for a substantial piece of delicious roasted corn.
Reid’s Dairy Swirl Soft Serve Ice Cream 6.7/10
Got this in the midway after coming out of a show at the Ontario Place Forum when everything else was closed. It was… fine.
Ye Olde Fudge Pot 6/10
Similar to Carla’s Cookie Box, we’ve long been devoted to the fudge booth in the Arts & Crafts building. At last check, though, we’ve considered 14 different fudges from there during our food adventures. And so it was time to try something different, the classic Food Building staple Ye Olde Fudge Pot. Unfortunately, where the craft building fudge had a wild eccentric edge hidden in their slightly overpriced slices, Ye Olde’s fudge is dutifully conventional, square cut, classic. Sure, it’s still fudge, but it’s not the thrill fudge I need in my life.
Smash City Cheeseburger Springrolls 8.2/10
One of our target stunt foods for this year, this was basically a greasy ass cheeseburger stuffed into a springroll casing and it was excellent. The springroll as a delivery device for ground chuck and melted cheese works exceptionally well it turns out.
Oreo Horchata 8/10
This took too long to make but it was pretty bitchin’. It is exactly what the name suggests — an icy horchata with a pile of blended up Oreo cookie in it.
Eva’s Original Crème Brûlée Cone 6/10
The Risky Fuel household has been know to crush upwards of a half-dozen crème brûlée each when we encounter them in places like all-you-can-eat buffets. So we had high expectations for this dessert converted into fancy cone form. Sadly, it was less. The cone itself was a messy, dribbling, charisma-less nightmare and the crème brûlée felt less like an exciting, creamy custard and more like a standard vanilla pudding. If you’re a crème brûlée hater you probably don’t think there’s a difference. But there is.
Maple Lodge Ultimate Chicken Frankfurters 7/10
Now years removed from creating the worst Ex food item ever (Eclair Hot Dog, 2012), Maple Lodge have found a savvy rebrand by just giving out free samples of their gourmet barbecue level wieners. I usually find chicken wieners to be suss but these were fine.
Pineapple Ginger Mojito 10/10
Spiked Strawberry Lemonade 10/10
The bartenders in the outdoor patio by the casino were in a generous mood when we dropped in on a sunny Labour Day afternoon. Maybe it was all the union folk really day drinking in their matching Local tees, but the drinks they made us were gigantic, icy, stiff and filled with signature fruit. The ginger mojito was ginger-y and the spiked lemonade was lemon-y and despite the slightly-too-high price tag we’re pretty sure this was a win for the workers.
The Perogy Chef Sampler Special – 3 Perogies, Sour Cream & 1 Cabbage Roll 6.7/10
We’ve pinged The Perogy Chef before, but never for the sampler deal. The perogies remain solid, slathered in an inappropriate amount of butter and a level above generic supermarket offerings. It’s the cabbage roll that’s the low key win. Nobody actively seeks out to eat a cabbage roll at a fall fair… and yet here we are.
GoGo Squeez Apple Pineapple Passion Fruit Fruit Sauce 3.8/10
This was a free sampler giveaway. I’m not sure who the audience is for this. Desperate middle class parents trying to dodge sugar snack bans in their kids’ schools? Athletes who want a fruit boost during training? People who’ve wrecked their body health so bad, for so long that this is the only “treat” they’re allowed? Anyway, it’s gross. The experience of sucking characterless apple sauce through a nozzle is not one I’d recommend.
Additional reading:
Things I ate at the CNE in 2023. Including Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich and Thanksgiving Dinner On Top Of Fries.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2022. Including the San Francescos Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa and Mustard Ice Cream.
Things I didn’t eat in 2021 because Global pandemic blues closed the EX.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020 (COVID National Exhibition Edition). Including Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog and Bacon-Wrapped Veggie Corn Dog.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2019. Including the Snickle Dog and the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae.
Things I didn’t eat at the CNE in 2018 because I boycotted to support unionized workers who were fighting The Man.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2017. Including Deep Fried Chicken Foot and Savory Fried Spaghetti Donut Ball.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2016. Including Bug Dog with Roasted Crickets and Deep Fried Butter Tarts.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2015. Including Corrado’s S&M Burger and Iron Skillet’s Frosted Flakes Chicken On A Stick.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2014. Including Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle and Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.
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