After a few years of pandemic-related unevenness, the Canadian National Exhibition was officially BACK in 2023. Mostly. There was one conspicuous absence in this year’s programming — a wide selection of outlandish stunt foods. What was one of the key anchors of the last decade of C.N.E.s was largely muted. It seems a market shift has taken place and organizers have determined there’s only a modest appetite for things like the mustard ice creams and Krispy Kreme Donut Pulled Pork Sandwiches.
Never let it be said we shrink from a challenge, though. Through dogged determination and ill-advised financial decision-making we were able to try a number of new food experiments.
Here are the things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2023:
Cornehcopia Churro Dog 5.8/10
It’s a hot dog with churro wrapped around it. What could go wrong? Most of it, really. This was an entirely unnecessary creation, not quite novel enough to be pure stunt food and yet not tasty enough to be a low wattage food experiment.
Real Fruit Strawberry Splash 6.2/10
One of the long-running themes of our annual EX food chase is our sad, desperate attempts to avoid the ubiquitous Coca-Cola products everywhere. So it was on to the midway fruit drink stand for Real Fruit Strawberry Splash, a slightly carbonated slurry of lemonade, a healthy pile of strawberries and an unsettling-bordering-on-irrational amount of real mint. It was, despite its outsized ingredients, entirely acceptable.
Real Fruit Mojito Splash 4/10
Sarah’s more mint-first lemonade variant had the unfortunate distinction of having “mojito” in its name, which probably psychologically turned me off of it.
Bratwurst In A Bun 3.7/10
This was my worst item of 2023 and a borderline case for inclusion amongst the worst all-timers. Caught in a moment of weakness and indecision in an overpacked Food Building, the Bratwurst In A Bun stall had no lineup and so I figured it’d be a good, quick win. What I got was a completely normal if oversized panini bun that had a cavity pistoned into it using some weird, pointy phallic rod, some condiment squirted into said hole, and then the brat stuffed into it. Writing this all out now, I realize how completely oblivious I was to the whole Beavis & Butthead grade horniness to this production, but that’s because I was irritated at how much boring ass bread this thing had and how non-event the brat was. It also cost too much at like $14 or something.
I Love Churros’ Caramel Churros 6.1/10
The Risky Fuel household has a running rule that we always have to “try the churros” when we see churros on the menu anywhere because an episode of the old animated series Clone High had a gag where everyone had to try the churros. We’ve already tried the chocolate variant of these churros and because caramel > chocolate these have a slight edge.
Fuwa Fuwa Cheese Pizza Croffle 7.2/10
We had tremendous success in 2022 with Fuwa Fuwa’s cookies ‘n cream Franken croissant-waffle, so this time it was all about trying the more savoury pizza pastry option. While it didn’t quite match the flavour sensation of the cookies ‘n cream concoction, it was experience more elevated than a normal slice of cheese pizza.
Landshark Radler 10/10
Our customary booze stops are generally always 10/10 and the Landshark Radler, which was a combination of Landshark draught and lemonade, hit the spot exactly as expected.
S-Club cocktail 10/10
Hidden in the far eastern corner of the C.N.E. grounds is the food truck haven, a place of superior food and vibes. We bought cocktails from a cash-only booze truck that had sworn off the dreaded token system. The S-Club was 2 oz rye with Sprite and a splash of lemonade.
Glo-Stick cocktail 10/10
A newfound household interest in gin brought us to the Glo-Stick, 2 oz gin with lemonade and orange juice. It was very Snoop Dogg.
Yabba Dabba Curds 4.7/10
Probably our second-biggest mistake of this year’s culinary tour, Yabba Dabba Curds were Fruity Pebbles cereal topping deep fried cheese curds “with a cereal milk glaze.” These two things don’t work together. The Flintstones cereal bits ruin the otherwise underrated deep fried cheese curds with an unwelcome sweet vs. savoury juxtaposition. The fact this cost $16 makes it hurt a little bit more.
Perogies 5.7/10
Simple perogies from an unassuming stand in the Food Building. Serviceable, though lacking any major bam ups like fried onions or spices.
Chocolate Cheesecake Fudge 6.7/10
The fudge booth in the Craft Building is an annual pilgrimage, though one that’s yielding less reward as the price goes steadily up and the thrill of variety diminishes. This chocolate cheesecake might just be the chocolate vanilla I’ve tried before rebranded so it’s getting the same score.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge 7/10
Besides the Reese Peanut Butter Cup, which has perfected the form, I’m less hot on peanut butter + chocolate than most and this fudge-perience was no different. It was good because it was fudge, but it was slightly mid because it was peanut butter-infused fudge.
Caramel Chocolate Pecan Fudge 6.4/10
Pecan pie is on my all-timer list, but this fudge breaks one very important rule — there shall be no nuts in fudge.
Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich 5.8/10
When I reviewed all the things I ate at the EX this year the Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich was probably the thing that most made me question my choices. Sure, it wasn’t nearly a bad as the brat in a bun or the Flintstones cheese curds, but it was a magnitude more ridiculous. A specialty of the Fried Chicken Sandwiches booth in the Food Building, this monstrosity featured fried chicken served between two funnel cakes, with strawberries, whipped cream, icing sugar and a cherry to top. Plus, a bonus of side house slaw. It’s easy enough to talk oneself into this by rationalizing that it’s not so different than an order of chicken ‘n’ waffles and the potential for syrupifaction such an order might suffer. The problem here, though, is that funnel cakes aren’t waffles, strawberries aren’t maple syrup and all of these things are better when not paired with fried chicken. In most technical sense, both the funnel cake and chicken were reasonably good. They just didn’t need to be together.
Carla’s Cookie Box Raspberry White Chocolate Butter Tart 7.4/10
Carla’s Cookie Box Toffee Butter Tart 8.1/10
Carla’s Cookie Box Plain Butter Tart 7.8/10
My absolutely always must-gets are the Carla’s Cookies butter tarts in the Craft Building. This year I bought two separate half-dozens and managed to try a few new flavours, including Raspberry White Chocolate, Toffee, and Plain. Unfortunately, none of these meet the exceptionally high standards of their best offerings (the Nutella and the Skor-themed tarts). The Raspberry was, predictably, very raspberry-y and the plain was just outclassed by its more complicated brothers and sisters. The Toffee was at least in the same area code as the greatest hits.
Thanksgiving Dinner On Top Of Fries 8.4/10
This potentially ill-advised experiment from one of the midway booths that usually does roasted corn turned out to be surprisingly excellent. This was conventional fries and cheese curd poutine topped with what could be generously described as “Thanksgiving slurry,” a combination of turkey cubes, mash, stuffing and ubiquitous gravy. The fries were done right and all the Thanksgiving components were fine. The win here was, and this is a rare thing for me to endorse in food, the mess. It tasted like the way that second or third helping of Thanksgiving dinner does, when all the weird side-dishes your aunts bring are gone and all there is left is a pile of mash, turkey and if you paced yourself, gravy.
Rick’s Good Eats CNE Special Butter Chicken Overload 9.1/10
We here at Risky Fuel like butter chicken and we’re also suckers for the ridiculous. So when a food truck called Rick’s Good Eats advertised a C.N.E. special featuring two butter chicken samosas, tandoori fried chicken and butter chicken poutine all slathered in a butter chicken aioli we were duty-bound to try it. And it was amazing. The best concoction of the season. Every individual component — the samosas, the poutine, the fried chicken — was done right and made us feel like we were in the hands of a midway master of their craft (whoever Rick is).
Additional reading:
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2022. Including the San Francescos Leaning T.O.wer of Pisa and Mustard Ice Cream.
Things I didn’t eat in 2021 because Global pandemic blues closed the EX.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2020 (COVID National Exhibition Edition). Including Double Wiener Cheese Curd Pretzel Hot Dog and Bacon-Wrapped Veggie Corn Dog.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2019. Including the Snickle Dog and the Cheesecake Factory General Custard Sundae.
Things I didn’t eat at the CNE in 2018 because I boycotted to support unionized workers who were fighting The Man.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2017. Including Deep Fried Chicken Foot and Savory Fried Spaghetti Donut Ball.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2016. Including Bug Dog with Roasted Crickets and Deep Fried Butter Tarts.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2015. Including Corrado’s S&M Burger and Iron Skillet’s Frosted Flakes Chicken On A Stick.
Things I ate at the CNE in 2014. Including Fran’s Thanksgiving Turkey Waffle and Coco’s Fried Chicken Cocoa Chicken.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2013. Including Nutella Jalapeno Poppers and the S’more Dog.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2012. Including the Chocolate Eclair Dog and Bacon Nation Nutella BBBLT.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2011. Including the Krispy Kreme Hamburger and Deep Fried Twix.
Things I ate at the C.N.E. in 2010. Including Deep Fried Butter and Taco In A Bag.
Risky Fuel 